Fallen in Love with Boyfriend's Twin

Discussion in 'General' started by engagedtotwin, Nov 28, 2006.

  1. engagedtotwin

    engagedtotwin New Member

    Hello. I am new to this site and hoping that some twins or twin spouses/mates can give me advice. Without providing more details than necessary...I think that my boyfriend's identical twin and I are falling in love. I don't know how or why or when this has happened, but I met my boyfriend was about 3 years ago. The first time that I met his twin was a full year into our relationship. At the time, I felt that there was some (normal, I though) attraction - physically - since, in truth, he looks just like my fiance. But, there was also a certain chemistry...very similar to that which I first had with my (then) boyfriend. Over the past 6 months since, my relationship with my boyfriend had grown increasingly strained. I love him dearly and have wanted to move the relationship forward. He claims that he loves me very much and doesn't want to live without me, but - at the same time - has not moved things forward. Meanwhile, circumstances have allowed me to get to know his twin much better and I'm beginning to feel - although have not confirmed and DEFINITELY HAVE NOT ACTED UPON - as though the "chemistry" that I have always felt is being reciprocated. I don't know what to do or where to begin to work this through. Is this a normal thing to happen ? And, how do I sort out my relationship with my boyfriend and - potentially - his brother all at the same time. I know that common sense would say that I should "figure out what to do with my current relationship first." I am trying to do that, and - quite frankly - have been unsuccessful. I do love my boyfriend and suspect that I would not be feeling the way that I do if he had shown me more of a willingness to make a commitment. Meanwhile, his brother is just nicer, kinder, and acts more interested in me. any advice - esp. from twins - would be appreciated !
     
  2. engagedtotwin

    engagedtotwin New Member

    Hello. I am new to this site and hoping that some twins or twin spouses/mates can give me advice. Without providing more details than necessary...I think that my boyfriend's identical twin and I are falling in love. I don't know how or why or when this has happened, but I met my boyfriend was about 3 years ago. The first time that I met his twin was a full year into our relationship. At the time, I felt that there was some (normal, I though) attraction - physically - since, in truth, he looks just like my fiance. But, there was also a certain chemistry...very similar to that which I first had with my (then) boyfriend. Over the past 6 months since, my relationship with my boyfriend had grown increasingly strained. I love him dearly and have wanted to move the relationship forward. He claims that he loves me very much and doesn't want to live without me, but - at the same time - has not moved things forward. Meanwhile, circumstances have allowed me to get to know his twin much better and I'm beginning to feel - although have not confirmed and DEFINITELY HAVE NOT ACTED UPON - as though the "chemistry" that I have always felt is being reciprocated. I don't know what to do or where to begin to work this through. Is this a normal thing to happen ? And, how do I sort out my relationship with my boyfriend and - potentially - his brother all at the same time. I know that common sense would say that I should "figure out what to do with my current relationship first." I am trying to do that, and - quite frankly - have been unsuccessful. I do love my boyfriend and suspect that I would not be feeling the way that I do if he had shown me more of a willingness to make a commitment. Meanwhile, his brother is just nicer, kinder, and acts more interested in me. any advice - esp. from twins - would be appreciated !
     
  3. twinstuff-old

    twinstuff-old Well-Known Member

    We've had similiar types of questions/posts here over the years and although I hesitate myself to offer advice in these kinds of situations (just because of my unusual family situation), I'm hoping someone here who has posted on this type of issue or one of our adult twins can comment on your questions.

    What kind of relationship does your fiancee have with his twin? Regardless of what happens, you'll probably have to be cognizant of the bond that they may have and to be aware that it might affect your future regardless of how this plays out.

    All I would like to say is that you're not alone in this type of situation although we also get queries that are diametrically opposite in that people engaged to identical twins want nothing to do with their future spouse's twin and ask how to let their fiancee know they want the twin out of the picture. At least in your case that doesn't appear to be an issue.

    You're almost certainly going to have to discuss this with your fiancee and his twin at some point. Good luck and again we hope others can respond here.
     
  4. Marbear

    Marbear Well-Known Member

    I know what I am about to say is "easier said than done" but you really should just cut off your ties if you have feelings for both brothers. I say this because my husband dated this girl while he was in college. It never worked out between them, but when she found out we were engaged she begged him to leave me for her. Needless to say, he didn't. Flash forward 2 years later...we have just had our first child and she makes MORE inappropriate moves toward my husband. He cuts off any kind of communication and tells her they are no longer friends and will have no further contact. She ends up marrying his brother! Everybody thinks she is up to no good and my father in law was trying to take bets on how long it would last on the wedding night. If you can work out a good relationship with both of the boys where there aren't hard feelings, you are going to face huge hurdles with the rest of the family, and in-laws can REALLY make your life miserable!

    You also need to ask yourself if maybe you are inviting chaos into your life because you are comfortable with it. I think this is the problem with my new sister-in-law. She grew up with a mom who switched men constantly and she was actually molested as a child...very sad to me. She has cheated on every boyfriend she has ever had and has a history of picking people who are really bad for her. I almost wonder if she sought out this situation because she is uncomfortable with a drama-free life and since she is an adult and is no longer subject to living under her mother's chaotic roof if she is not creating a similar situation because that is her comfort zone.

    No good is going to come of this situation...sorry to say because I know you have invested a lot of time and feelings into this. Also, are you sure you aren't just attracted to the twin because maybe you think he doesn't have the bad habits of the twin you are dating? Maybe you think he has all the good and none of the bad???
     
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