Give me some tools

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by ECUBitzy, Feb 27, 2013.

  1. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    The girls are pretty awesome and fun right now in general, but the biggest challenge has as much to do with me as with them.

    They whiiiiiine. And they're so impatient, which elevates the whiiiiining.

    Mommy, I want milk.
    Okay, honey, let me go into the kitchen and I will get you a cup of milk.
    Mommy, miiiiilk.
    I'm walking to the kitchen, come with me and we'll get your milk.

    This scenario can be subbed for milk, Tangled, a sock, a trip, anything. Even as I am doing what is requested, the whining is happening.

    I am impatient myself so they come by it honestly, but it gets a tad grating. The frustrating part is that Paul and I find ourselves snapping after the third or fifth whine and responding with something like "I am doing xyz that you asked of me, now stop whining and wait!" I do *not* want us to be short with them. I know this is a stage. I know we will survive it... But please give me some tools that might help us better respond to them and work on getting them to wait for things and, DEAR GOODNESS, stop whining.
  2. becasquared

    becasquared Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I use "I can't understand you when you're whining." Over and over and over again until they stop.
    1 person likes this.
  3. KCMichigan

    KCMichigan Well-Known Member

    We still battle whining now and then:

    My 'tools' are:

    1. Pretend to not understand them. "Excuse me, I dont understand it when you talk like that (whining). Can you try again?" If they dont realize their are whining, sometimes I copy what and how they said it. Usually that stops them! Haha " Moooom! Dont talk like that!" or sometimes I have them repeat it nicely a few times to practice (humorously). The humor will often snap them out of it as well.

    2. If they are tired/hungry : sometimes I simply say " You are whining, please stop. I think you are _____ (tired/hungry,etc). Lets go get_________ (food, a rest, sit down,etc) and we can talk then." if there is a reason. I quickly remedy the reason. Now-- they are old enough, I ask " You are whining a lot. Are you tired/hungry/unhappy/etc? " The answer may surprise you-- mine now will often tell me what is wrong and the whining stops.

    3. IF whining persists and there is no reason for it and/or the child has been asked over and over to stop. Often , I will remove them from situation (playing with a certain toy, the dinner table, etc). and escort them somewhere else (their room, a quiet place, etc) and remind them they can join us again when they stop whining.

    That's all I've got. Does it work all the time.....NO! Do my kiddos still whine at 7- yes. But it has gotten a lot better, especially if I pretend not to understand them!

    3.5- 4.5 seemed to be the peak of whining around here and it drove me :crazy: !!
  4. MrsWright

    MrsWright Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    ^this....once they knew they were whining but still do it (habit I guess?) I say simply "try again"...this phrase also comes out when I get the rude requests like "get me milk!"
  5. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I use a lot of the same techniques as PP. I also find I need to be very clear and simple when explaining my expectations. Using your example, after the first whine I might say "I am getting your milk right now. While I do that, I want you to wait quietly, without speaking."
  6. Dielle

    Dielle Well-Known Member

    Ditto all of this! Spencer is 3 1/2 and has been a whiner for awhile. They all seem to go thru it, some worse than others. My standard response is, "I'm sorry, I don't understand that voice. If you'd like to talk to me in a nice happy voice, I would be happy to listen and see if I can help you." repeat ad nauseum. At first some of the whining increases, until they see that I really mean it. It doesn't stop whining from happening, but does seem to help with it going on forever or building to a crescendo once it starts. I have also done the mimicking thing and it usually gets a laugh out of them, unless they're really worked up.
  7. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    Crap. That's everything we do. I'll just practice my deep breathing and repeat, repeat, repeat.

    I just hate that they can sense my frustration. I love them to pieces and really enjoy them, honest. The whining is just going to be the end of me, though.
  8. ECUBitzy

    ECUBitzy Well-Known Member

    And I just had to turn around and come back in to tell y'all that I just overheard them playing. Alexis was calling "Daddy!! Daddy!!" and Samantha was calling back "I'm coming, honey! Coming!"

    Then Samantha says "Goodness, girlie, I said I'm coming!"

    See?? They know we get impatient with their impatience. Sigh. I feel terrible now.
  9. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    No! Don't feel terrible, that's how they learn. No human being could put up with that much whining for that long without starting to push back a bit.

    I ask them to repeat their request in a nice voice with pleases and thank yous before they get any kind of action. Every so often now they'll actually start with the nice voice instead of with whining, and that feels like progress. I also notice that if they're tired or hungry things go off the rails, so I try to anticipate their needs a little bit so I don't push them over the edge. And I also divert their attention, so if they're carrying on about something that I can't give them I change the subject. I suggest something else fun to focus on, or start making funny faces, or whatever. It usually snaps them out of it.

    But sorry babe, you're gonna need a time machine to fix this one ;)
  10. 3under2!

    3under2! Well-Known Member

    Ecubitzy, I could have written every word of both your first and second posts. I try so hard to be patient with my ODD but the whining and repeating and impatience make me crazy!!!!!!! I then I also see my impatience and snapping reflected in how she treats the twins :( Sigh.
  11. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    This is both me and my husband. And we also add, we only respond to requests that are polite and said in a big kid voice.

    ETA: Both my husband and I have also whined back at them and a modeled how you ask for something nicely and in a big kid voice.
  12. sulik110202

    sulik110202 Well-Known Member

    My son had a whining problem (still does sometimes) and when repeated "I can't understand you when you whine" doesn't work, I ignore him. He has figured out he won't get what he wants until he uses manors and nice voice. I have also been known to whine back to him about things I want and he doesn't like that. I tell him then that I don't like it when he whines about stuff to me.
  13. slugrad1998

    slugrad1998 Well-Known Member

    All of this! What is worse than the whining to me is the demanding and the rudeness. "Get me milk" or 1 word demands. Recently I have gotten to the point of telling them that if they don't ask nicely they won't get what they want. I hold out until they actually formulate a question and say please. It is starting to get better! Just be patient and consistent and you will get there.
  14. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I also thought of something else that works (because I have already done it 8 times this morning!). Get right down to their level right in their face, and ask in the most gentle voice: Tell me what's wrong. If you're right there, they can't avoid you and they know they're getting your full attention.
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