have we made the right choice?

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by clairefromuk, Dec 11, 2006.

  1. clairefromuk

    clairefromuk New Member

    Hi all

    I havent been here for a while but I have a dilemma and just wanted to ask your opinions as parents who have been there already.

    My Id twin boys (4 & half) started school in September and we made the choice to put them in separate classes. I am just not sure if it was the right decision or not.

    They had their Christmas nativity today. Ben refused to wear a costume so instead of getting him to sit with a teacher they allowed him to come and sit with me. Matthew did wear his costume but I could tell from the start that he was not too happy. I think he could see Ben and it was upsetting him. Anyway he got through his part but then got a bit upset.Ben walked across the middle of the school hall, he took part of Matthews costume off, gave him a hug then came back again. Matthew then burst into tears and came over too. My husband and my mum both said that everyone went Ahhh and everything stopped whilst this happened but I didnt take any of that in. I just really felt for the boys and for us being different yet again! Does that make any sense?

    I spoke to Bens teacher afterwards and she said she hadnt wanted to upset Ben which is why they allowed him to come to sit with me but I just felt they maybe didnt consider the needs of Matthew too and maybe took the easy option. Just dont know wether I've done the right thing separating them or have we tried to do too much too soon?

    Would love to hear what you all think.

  2. jenn-

    jenn- Well-Known Member

    Well I can't say anything about seperating them, but I can let you know that a lot of kids have stage anxiety at that age. Odds are if this is the only indication they are having problems being seperated then I wouldn't worry to much. How is their class work going? Do they have behavior issues in class? Do they cry every time they have to seperate while in school? If not they are probably fine. I would chalk this experience up to stage fright. Matthew may have seen Ben being afraid and fed off of his fear.
  3. hicksfl

    hicksfl Member

    the only grade me and my twin bro have the same class in was kindergarden.... the only class we have toogether now is band.. we dont mind much... i like being a singleton some times
  4. Jamesb

    Jamesb Well-Known Member

    This sounds some like my boys, mine are in the same class and always have been.
    Perhaps it has been a worthwhile trial to see if they worked better separated, but it seems that will not work for your boys, my advice would be to have them put back in the same class, until they request otherwise.
  5. sharongl

    sharongl Well-Known Member

    I agree with Jenn, not to judge the whole thing based on this instance. My boys are about 4 1/2 and one loves being on stage, and the other will hide his head if he knows a bunch of adults are looking at him. When they are together, they will feed off each other in a negative way when one is upset--which sounds like what is going on at the play.

    Mine have been separate from the time they started school at 3--and now, due to Jon's needs, they even go to separate schools--I can't wait for K, so they can be in the same building at least! Mine are actually better when they are apart--they would drive a teacher nuts if they were together, since they do push each others buttons all the time!
  6. JenJefLog

    JenJefLog Well-Known Member

    I think no matter what we choose to do with our twins, keep them together or separate them, we are always second guessing ourselves and wondering if we made the right decision. I also think that either choice will have benefits and difficulties, especially the first year or so. In the long run, I'm sure you made the right choice and that you will just have these occasional bumps that tug at your heartstrings.
  7. krysn2ants

    krysn2ants Well-Known Member

    We just moved from Florida to Kansas and at their new school, they separated the boys. I was really upset about it and even argued with the principle that I wanted them kept together as they're in first grade and have NEVER been separated totally. At their school in Florida, they were in the same class but they were starting to send the 1st graders to different teachers for different subjects and their teacher separated them for Math and another subject. The boys were fine with that b/c they knew that they'd be back in the same classroom together soon. Now, tho, it's taking some getting used to. Micheal cried the first couple of days when he had to be separated from Isiah. He's getting better and hasn't cried in a couple days but says: "I still miss Isiah!" It just breaks my heart but they're both doing good in their individual class.
  8. Katheryn

    Katheryn Well-Known Member

    Well, Claire, I have to agree with Jenn and Sharon. I'm sure you've done the right thing and this one instance, which is out of the ordinary, really isn't what you should base putting the boys in the same class or not. [​IMG]
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