How to un-cosleep?

Discussion in 'The First Year' started by Katheros, Nov 3, 2014.

  1. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    I need advice on how to get my 8 month old out of my bed!  
    We start the night with her nursing to sleep with me in my bed.  I wait until she's good and asleep, then transfer her to a pack n play in my room.  There's about a 50/50 chance she'll stay asleep.  If she wakes up, she screams, and we go back to nursing in bed and repeat.   When she does transfer fine, she'll eventually wake up later for a dream feed/snuggle/whatever.  So she's back in bed and I just go back to sleep if I was already asleep.  When I put her back in her bed after that, she eventually wakes up and will scream if I don't get her.  We've tried walking her to sleep but she wakes up as soon as she's put in her bed.  I've tried putting a shirt of mine in her bed, doesn't help.
    She typically naps laying on the boppy, nursing, while I sit on the couch.  Her naps are usually cut short because the almost 3 year old is getting into something.  If I put her in her bed, she wakes up and screams.  
    So advice on how to start transitioning her back to her own bed.  As much as I enjoy baby snuggles, I'd rather break the behavior while she's young.
  2. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Have you thought about trying a Montessori style floor bed? Basically, you buy a twin or double mattress, put it on the floor, put her to bed as normal, but no need to move her once she's asleep. If she wakes up and wants to nurse, you can nurse her in her bed and sleep there or move back to your bed, or you can bring her into your bed and nurse back to sleep. We did that with Emmett pretty much from birth, he only rarely slept in a PnP or crib.
  3. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    Hmmm that would take some convincing of the husband.  And some rearranging of our bedroom. He's going to love me.  :laughing: 
  4. rinaownsu

    rinaownsu Active Member

    The only thing I can think of is sleep training although it is pretty harsh. It will require a commitment from both you and your husband. However I do believe it is necessary because a child has to learn to sleep in their own bed and mommy and daddy also need to rest. There are different ways of training that don't necessarily require the cry it out approach. Read on the different approaches and find the one that you're most comfortable with. You also have to talk yourself out of the guilt trip. Co sleeping is not healthy for the parent nor the child. I myself also have to do the sleep train. God help us!
  5. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    There isn't the slightest thing unhealthy about co-sleeping. It may not work for some parents and/or children and that's fine, but there's nothing at all unhealthy about it. Children will all, spontaneously, on their own, when they're ready, sleep by themselves, in their own beds. They don't need to "learn", or be "trained", how to do it. They have to reach a stage of development in which they're ready for it and then they'll do it, just like every other thing they grow into. That process just usually takes much longer than what we consider acceptable in modern culture. I would argue that's a problem with cultural expectations rather than a problem with our children and/or their sleep and/or co-sleeping.
  6. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member

    I agree with Rachel's suggestion - we had a floor bed when the twins stopped co-sleeping (although that was at over 2 years) and moved to their own room and cuddling, snuggling, or nursing, to sleep without having to move anyone worked great. It was also good to be able to fall asleep there comfortably with them, especially when they were sick, having nightmares etc.
    BTW: They also had their own beds in their room. Of course, they were a lot older than your daughter, and they were free to choose their small bed or the floor bed each evening. Little by little they moved from the floor bed to their own beds.
  7. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    I think the floor bed is the easiest method for transition, it's just logistically a bit of a PITA.  Her actual bedroom, that she doesn't use, is upstairs and ours is downstairs.  I really don't want to be running up and down stairs all night.  Right now she's getting up anywhere from one to four times a night.  We'd have to rearrange our room to fit a mattress in there, and then buy another mattress.   Although I do have an air mattress, I could probably just use that, right?
  8. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Could you sleep in her room while you transition her? I loved the idea of co-sleeping, but the reality for me was a nightmare. Between anxiety and insomnia, having another human in the bed with me is not a good idea!
  9. Katheros

    Katheros Well-Known Member

    Theoretically I could...  I'm not sure I *want* to though.  Any thoughts on how long this method would take?  If it's a week or so, I would be willing to do it, but months of not sleeping with my husband?  I'd rather her just be in the room with us.  
    There is a part of me that absolutely loves sleeping with her, I love her little face in the morning and her little suckling thing she does. Sometimes she snuggles with Daddy and it's the sweetest thing I've ever seen. :wub:  I don't like the flaying arms in my face though!  But I think she is getting too used to us and our bed and I don't want her sleeping in my bed indefinitely.  I know I'll be sad to see her sleep in her own bed, but I think it's for the best in the long run. 

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