I can't sleep and don't know where else to go. My DH died of a heart attack on Tuesday. He was only 45. A week ago he was complaining of heartburn, something he has never done in the 18 years that I have know him. He wanted some of the tums that I took when I was pg. Then last weekend, he went to a family wedding in Texas. I spoke to him Saturday and he complained of having an upset stomach and thought it might of been the food at the rehersal dinner. He was taking immodium and it was not helping. Monday he still was not feeling well and thought he just had a virus. He went to work on Tuesday and came home around 6:30 p.m. He was watching tv downstairs and I was up in our room on the computer. Around 9:00 I heard a "thud" and for a split second thought maybe something was wrong. With a the boys stuff, we are always knocking things down. About 5 minutes later I went downstairs to get something to drink and I found him in our kitchen unresponsive, his eyes open. I yelled and shock him and then called 911. They had me do cpr until the paramedics came. They worked on him for maybe 15 minutes and then we rushed to the hospital. When I got there, they escorted me in a room with a chaplin and I freaked out. They assured me he was only keeping me company. About 10 minutes later the Dr. came in and said he was sorry, DH is dead. He never did have a pulse and he did not respond to the medications. His family and I decided to get an autopsy since he was a healthly 6' 165l man. He had a 95% blockage in one of his arteries. He was doing some heavy lifting at work and the corrinor said that might of pushed the other 5%. If he would of gone in last week, chances are they would of done a bypass and he'd be with me today. I still can't believe this is happening to us. I'm a 40 y/o widow with two 8 month old boys. It took us 5 years and 3 ivf cycles to get our beautiful boys. They will never know what a wonderful, caring loving man he was. He wanted them so badly and was a wonderful father. I went to the funeral home and made arrangements. Today I have to go to the cemetary to find a plot. Tomorrow is the wake and Saturday the funeral. I don't know what to do. I miss him so much and I can't imagine my life without him. I met him when I was 22 and my whole adult like was with him. Where do I go now? How am I going to be able to take care of our boys? All I ask is that you keep us in your prayers. I need every ounce of strenth to get through these next couple of days. I wish I could wake up and find that this was only a horrible nightmare.