Need help re friendship &a clingy tween

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by Ela, Nov 12, 2016.

  1. Ela

    Ela Well-Known Member

    Hello everyone, it's been years since I posted but o have sent many new twins parents your way as you have been instrumental in helping me raise my babies during the crazy first couple of years!! Missed you all and now I am back.

    My two girls are almost 13. One is a very defiant child, probably dealing with some anxiety and ADHD but she isn't on anything. Very smart but an introvert. She was always more needy than DT2 and even in preschool and K she was following my DT2 everywhere.
    They always were in separate classes and DT is quicker to form friendships than DT1.

    We moved to a new school and DT1 is excited about new friends but it's really bothered about her sister and how clingy she is to her when they are with othe friends.

    It is to the point that she wanted to go to a football game but said she wants to go without her sister who said she wanted to go too.
    I told her that it is not a option as they are sisters and they know the same people. While she understands the reasoning her feelings are much stronger and it got to ge point that she told her friend yesterday "I don't know if I go as I don't want to go with my siste." For me it was unacceptable to say it to someone else who knows your twin. So no football game for anyone yesterday.

    My kids don't do sports, spend too much time on Netflix and YouTube etc. they are both very opinionated and strong willed.

    This is just a beginning and I am not sure what to do about this going forward.

    I don't want DT2 to start resenting/hating DT1.
    DT1 isn't always a pleasure to be with :-( which makes the conversation so much difficult.

    Sorry about the length of this post. Venting helps!

  2. MNTwinSquared

    MNTwinSquared Well-Known Member

    Can you have them do some of the activities together and then do some activities with them separately? Like football game together, but then do some 1:1 time with each individually, doing what they'd want to do?

    Being a twin myself, I can understand not wanting my sister along all the time. It's not 'fair' if sister has to tag along with everything. Does the clingy twin have a friend at school or in the neighborhood that she can hang with? My sister was not happy if any of 'her' friends were friends with me (in HS), but my friends were also friendly with my sister, if that makes sense.
  3. lharrison1

    lharrison1 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I don't have a ton of advice, I would have probably said and done the same thing you did. That's certainly a tough one but as far as the football game goes they go to the same school and know the same people so both going to the game makes sense. I'd make sure your daughter understands needing to be considerate of her sister's feelings when she says things and tell her you'll do your best to find ways to allow them to do separate activities in the future.
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