Need Some Advice....

Discussion in 'Pregnancy Help' started by EeeOoo, Sep 19, 2014.

  1. EeeOoo

    EeeOoo Member

    Hello all,
    I will be expecting the arrival of my identical twins in December! (woohoo!)... wait, more like November @ 36 weeks.

    I am currently trying to make a decision.  My mom said she would help out for a month after the twins are born.  I was excited about that idea. Everyone says "don't say no to help!" Having twins will require alot of help and energy, so I am not going to say no.  
    However, my mom proposed for me, my husband and the kids to stay with her for the month.  And here's where I don't understand.  If she wants to help, why am I now required to uproot my entire family (including the premature twins, and my cat -- we have a cat at home) so we can go stay with my mom so she can help us and take care of us?  
    Does anyone out there think this is illogical?  Or am I over-reacting?  
    It just seems so inconvenient for me and my family.  I know C-Section is my only option too, so I know I'll be in pain.   Having someone there to help cook for us would be nice.  And not to mention just extra pair of hands and getting some help in general, on how to take of newborn babies.
    My mom is uncomfortable with driving on the highway, so she doesn't want to drive to my place.  We live 30 minutes away.   And I have a father with strict diet requirements, so my mom doesn't want to leave him alone. However, I did propose for both my parents to come stay with us.  But my mother argues that my home has too many stairs (she will have a hard time due to her back pain and knee problems).   I feel like she is coming up with excuses so we will go stay with her.  But then again, maybe I'm over-reacting.  She is my mother afterall, and she's in her 60's. 
    I feel trapped.  I now want to tell her to not bother helping us.  But I think she will take it personally and be upset.  I don't want to offend her.  But I have my family to think about.   
    Anyway, what would you do if you were in the similar situation?
    Thanks ~
    DecemberTwinBabies

    http://www.babycenter.ca/thread/1167939/need-some-advice#ixzz3Dnsk46Lt
     
  2. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I wouldn't.. if it feels off now, it's going to feel completely insane in the haze of round the clock feedings and all the physical adjustments you have to make. And getting into our own routines was really key for us in the first while. The "don't say no to help" has a caveat: it has to be genuinely helpful help. As a new mom, the best thing you can do is advocate for yourself and new babies.. if your mom has your best interest at heart, she'll understand that. What you might be able to do is suggest she prepare a whole bunch of frozen meals and bring them over every few days? And then when she does come over, have laundry, dishes, whatever, waiting for her. Or maybe you can plan to spend one day/afternoon a week at her house once you're feeling ok to drive yourself? But don't, under any circumstance, commit yourself to anything over guilt!  
     
    Also, maybe the 36 week mark is something to do with your medical history, but many twins here were born at or even after their due date, so it can be really variable. C-sections can be painful, but aren't necessarily.. it's really variable. There's some great threads on here about preparing for a c-section, and just for interest, there's also threads about when everyone's twins were born (I'll find links for you if you can't find them). Read through the first year forum on tips for managing with new born twins, and what baby items people found really useful. All of those things will help you stay more organized than moving houses for a month :)
     
    Most of all: welcome,and congratulations! This forum got me through the crazy first days of twins, and well beyond that.  You've found a great resource.
     
  3. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :welcome: to TS!
    I had a c-section at 38 weeks and one of the things I was not supposed to do or do very little of was lift things and go up and down steps.  A bit hard to do since our house is all steps and the bedroom and bathroom & kids room are all upstairs.  None the less, I did what I could and my husband was off and my mother and friends helped out so I let them do most of the heavy lifting and stair work.
    I would suggest post c-section, stay ahead of the pain medicine (I tried to be a hero and almost wound up back in the hospital) and do let others do as much as they can.  As for your Mom, I would have to agree with you, it's hard to uproot newborn babies and a mom possibly recovering from a c-section to stay a month at a house that's not your own.  I do understand your mother's concerns in terms of the steps for her and your father's health.  You and the babies will have follow up appointments, that's one thing to consider, will anyone feel like sitting in a car for 30 plus minutes to go back and forth for appointments?
     
  4. miss_bossy18

    miss_bossy18 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Have you considered hiring a postpartum doula? They're an invaluable resource and will be able to support you in whatever you need. Maybe rather than volunteering their time you could ask your parents to support you by helping out with the cost? Point out that that means when your parents come to visit they can just visit and love on the babies since your doula will be taking care of everything else.
     
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