oh ahhhm sorry Mama

Discussion in 'General' started by twin_trip_mommy, Mar 23, 2010.

  1. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    My 9 year old son said Mama you and Katherine look a lot alike.

    I said Thank you

    Then he said You two are going to be twins someday when she gets older

    I said your cute but you know that you look like me also

    Thats when he said you mean I'm going to have big boobs when I get bigger like you?

    My look :blink: must have said a lot because

    then he said oh ahhhm sorry Mama

    I had a straight serious face because that was totally inappropriate for my 9 year old to say to his Mother.

    I wanted to ask him why he though that was okay for him to say but I kept quiet other than to say Thank you for apologizing.
  2. newpairofschus

    newpairofschus Well-Known Member

    I guess I don't put that kind of shame on my body parts. He's a kid. To me, it's no different than him observing that you have curly red hair. Or dark skin. Or hairy toes. If you have big boobs....you have big boobs. And when you're 9, prominent parts are - well - prominent. :pardon:

    The only discussion I would probably have w/ my son would be to tell him it would be inappropriate to comment on body parts to OTHER people. I dunno. Maybe I'm just weird like that, but I really don't see me making a big deal of it. In fact...I have to confess I think it's kinda funny. Sorry. :blush:
    14 people like this.
  3. Code

    Code Well-Known Member

    I agree with Eve, I think its cute and nice that he said sorry once he realised that you didnt like the comment. Kids are kids, my nephew when he was 3/4 asked my mums best friend "why are you this little" and "why are you black?" my mums friend wasnt offended she laughed (she has 5 kids so understands kids are kids) but Mum explained to him that you cant ask that. We all did think it was cute though the way he said it :pardon:
  4. Oneplus2more

    Oneplus2more Well-Known Member

    Cheryl, I agree with Eve and Code too. It would have been a great time to have a discussion about what is and is not appropriate to discuss with others. I hope my children always feel they can talk to me about anything - and frankly, that is hardly a "tough" subject. My girls have made similar comments to me, and since they are all girls, I have explained to them that they will have "big boobs" when their body is older.
  5. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    shame??? It was not that he needed to feel or that he was even ashamed. You all put that there.

    It was the inappropriate word he used.

    I expect my son to speak to me respectfully. Speaking to me using the word "boobs" is not for our family respectable or appropriate for my child. We have and do talk about breasts. We talk about everything. I have very open communication with my children. But even with that open communication I still do not expect my son to say I have big "boobs". If he had said "I'm going to have big breasts when I grow up" I would not have batted an eye, answered his question and laughed with him.
  6. newpairofschus

    newpairofschus Well-Known Member

    Meh, I know it's not "proper" A&P language, but then again, I'll never tell my son to make sure he wipes all of the feces off of his anus after he has a bowel movement, either. But we all choose our battles, I guess.
    10 people like this.
  7. fuchsiagroan

    fuchsiagroan Well-Known Member

    Did he have any idea how mad you'd be at the word choice? Maybe he just heard it around and didn't know there was (in your opinion) anything wrong with it.
  8. TwinsItIs

    TwinsItIs Well-Known Member

    Did you tell him that the word was inappropriate but the question was ok to ask his mom?
  9. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    this is not a "battle" I am choosing to have. It is me choosing to teach my son respect. Respect foe his mother and respect for woman. That is the "battle I choose to have. That can be a battle others choose not to have.
  10. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    he knew exactly why I gave my shocked face and what he said wrong. That was the end of the conversation at that moment but it was not the only conversation I have ever had or the end of all conversation.
  11. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    it's intriguing how interested others are in the way I parent my son. We have o p e n communication we talk about a n y t h i n g. He knew right away that what he said was wrong hence the apology. He has never had to apologize for talking about things appropriately. Since he knew to apologize he knew what it was he said wrong. He had no worries or fears the rest of the day evening talking and joking with me and las t night he said goodnight Mama I love you very much :wub:
  12. newpairofschus

    newpairofschus Well-Known Member

    :blink: Um, YOU posted this topic? Annnnd, it deals solely with a "parenting" moment? So, why in the world are you posting every little occurence of your day if no one is supposed to take interest and comment. (I'm not even sure why the reply you referenced got your panties all in a twist...but I'm sure you'll enlighten me momentarily).
    7 people like this.
  13. fuchsiagroan

    fuchsiagroan Well-Known Member

    But did he know ahead of time that you don't like that word? Or did he only find out it was a no-no from your anger at that very moment?
  14. Susanna+3

    Susanna+3 Well-Known Member

    I think it all has to do with tone. Since her ds apologized immediately I think it's safe to say that he realized his tone was disrespectful along with the language. If my 5 year old ds had said this it probably would've been done innocently enough...but a 9 year old??? Most of us would have an issue with our 9 year old ds if he said this to just anybody...because it's rude and disrespectful. So why wouldn't we feel like it's also innappropriate to say to your mother? My opinion, is that if it is rude toward a stranger it's also rude to your parents. When kids are young they innocently remark on things like body type or even skin color, but at some age we teach them that it's rude to make comments like that. For instance, my mom is overweight... my kids, in their innocence, will talk about Nana being 'fat.' Well, they don't know that 'fat' has a negative connotation. In their minds it's just a description of the facts. But they are now at the age where I've taught them that making this kind of comment is inappropriate and rude. And I see the comments made here as the same type of idea. A 9 year old should know better, and I would certainly have given my child, at age 9, a funny look if he made a similar comment. Sometimes one look from mommy can give correction more effectively and gently than reeming a kid out with words! I'd bet quite a bit that her 9 year old ds didn't need much of a look to realize what he had said was rude.
    1 person likes this.
  15. gina_leigh

    gina_leigh Well-Known Member

    Thanks to my MIL, right now my 2yo things my boobs are "mommy's pocket." (She keeps her cell phone in the strap of her bra.) :lol:

    We're pretty loose on words around our house, so the word in itself wouldn't bother me. Boobs are boobs.
    But I probably would have had a conversation about the appropriateness of his statement. Especially saying something like that towards other people.
    1 person likes this.
  16. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    not momentarily. I have plenty of stuff to do in my day other than sit here and respond right away to you.

    Where have I posted EVERY little occurrence of my day. This was one moment out of my day that starts at 3am. Comments I expected but what I was getting were what looked to me like advice and questions on my parenting skills.

    yours may be but my panties were not and are not in a bunch. Has this enlightened you sufficiently?
  17. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    anger? what anger? I had a straight serious face.

    Straight serious and anger are two different emotions. Of course he knew what he said was inappropriate otherwise he would not have apologized. He was not scared of me because I looked at him seriously he was apologetic because he knew at that moment that what he said stopped our enjoyable conversation flat exactly at that moment.

    ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

    Thank you Susanna for understanding what I was saying.
  18. Kyrstyn

    Kyrstyn Well-Known Member

    Honestly that wouldn't have phased me in the least if my child said that to me. In fact, I probably would have laughed. Give me the bad mommy award, I don't have any shame. I've got bigger fish to fry. :tease:

    "Boobs" to me is not a bad word, and I don't see disrespect in it. To me, with parenting there are so many battles that you are going to have to fight, and picking those battles carefully can benefit everyone involved. From my experience, over-parenting can eventually go on to cause rebellion and other behavioral or even emotional issues down the road.
    4 people like this.
  19. CapeBretoner_123

    CapeBretoner_123 Well-Known Member

    At the end of the day....he knew you were not impressed he said a word that your family doesn't approve of. The words "boobs" or "big boobs" whatever he said could have been worded better, but he's 9. And at that age its all about learning appropriate wording. He knows now, amd no doubt knew before. The child slipped.
    Its all about how children learn to address parents and others as they grow older. He didn't mean is in a deragatory way, it sounds like he meant he was going to be like mommy.

    I am 100% against my kids saying they hate things, or each other. They know when they say it, its wrong from the look on my face.
  20. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    Me choosing the battle of teaching my child respect and not speaking to me inappropriately IS what will make many of those other battles less necessary. If my son thought that was funny then he might say it in other peoples company (friends or other adults). I am teaching my son to honor me (his parents) so that he might be honored, admired by those who meet him. Him speaking this way is not honorable. Me standing firm on this "battle" I don't really see it as a battle but more a point of respect will help him grow into a respectable young man.

    Different people different parenting styles.
  21. Kyrstyn

    Kyrstyn Well-Known Member

    I think it comes down to the fact that I don't find that word inappropriate or dishonorable. I refuse to attach any sort of stigma on body parts.

    Time will tell if those battles do in fact become less necessary down the road. It could very well be that those battles are far bigger, and far worse than talking about "Boobs".
  22. Her Royal Jennyness

    Her Royal Jennyness Well-Known Member

    I always thought respect was shown rather than said. My kids call my breasts "boobs" and they still manage to talk politely around company, hold doors open for others, and do the right thing (for the most part). My 3.5 yr olds still like to motorboat in my cleavage though so maybe I'm just too lax.
  23. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    I am not attaching any sort of stigma to any body parts. I am also not going to allow my son to talk to me imo with what I think are disrespectful words. The topic of my breasts and him having some one day was fine and we could have giggled about him (a boy) having them IF he spoke to me without using a word that imo is inappropriate. His word choice was not appropriate. That might be the way it is for your family and that is all well and good. And we will all see what type of battles we end up having with out children as they grow.

    Respect is shown in action and word. I have no idea what a 3.5 year olds playing in moms cleavage has to do with this. At that age breasts/cleavage are not anything different from your neck or some other body part.
    1 person likes this.
  24. newpairofschus

    newpairofschus Well-Known Member

    My panties are comfy as can be, but thanks anyway. I just don't get HOW anyone was supposed to reply to this. Was it for guidance? A cute "haha" moment? An "oh, you poor, poor momma?" I truly don't get it. And if I were as busy as you, I sure wouldn't be spending my precious free time "defending" my parenting skills in MULTIPLE threads daily. That, to me, is NOT relaxing (nor productive). That's all I'm saying.

    I agree 110%.

    And for the record...good grief..."battle" is a figure of speech. And a perfect example of how the wrong portions of these replies are being harped on.
    5 people like this.
  25. Her Royal Jennyness

    Her Royal Jennyness Well-Known Member

    Boobs are never any different than any other body part because they're just body parts at any age.

    I guess we'll have to agree to disagree about whether using a slang term is disrespectful. I think people that talk respectfully are being respectful even if they don't always choose the words we'd like to hear. I just don't see boobs as being disrespectful. :pardon:
    1 person likes this.
  26. MeredithMM

    MeredithMM Well-Known Member

    I agree that for some people the word "boobs" is considered disrespectful. For others it is not.

    I also agree that kids should feel a very open door policy for talking about body parts, bodily functions, etc. And I would venture to guess that we all have certain words we would find offensive regarding these topics, at least on some level.

    What is running through my mind though is that while kids may know that certain words or phrases are not considered okay in their home, they may not understand *why* they are not considered okay. A kid can know their parents disapprove of something, but that does not mean that they grasp the full meaning of why they disapprove. And it seems to me that if kids understand why certain things might be considered disrespectful then they are more likely to not want to be disrespectful to other people. And if they understand why certain words are considered disrespectful in their home then they are less likely to confuse using the word "boobs" with the concept that talking about bodily parts in general is risky. I am not saying this is the case with you, Twin Trip Mommy. You may have had countless conversations about word choice vs topic of conversation and what is appropiate word choice for your family. It is just something that stood out to me about this discussion.

    It seems that at a moment like that it is a good time to talk about and the importance of open communication about body parts, understanding which words are acceptable and which ones might be considered rude (depending on your own family's beliefs). As adults we have a lot of experiences to draw from that help us understand which word choices to use in which situations. We understand subtlety, connotation, and all the other things that words carry with them.

    But kids don't get that. They learn from watching adults. They don't understand the complexity of language in the way we adults do. And for me I would be concerned that that showing disapproval over the use of the words boobs--*without an explanation of why*----could possibly lead to a child feeling less than comfortable when talking about body parts in the future. They might avoid discussions for fear of using the wrong word. Once again, not saying that is the case with you Twin Trip Mommy. Just what is on my mind, and I think that is where the pp was coming from when they talked about the possibility of attaching "Shame" to body parts.
    3 people like this.
  27. Fossie

    Fossie Well-Known Member

    Wow, I guess I totally misread this yesterday! When you said you had a "straight serious face" I thought you meant because you were trying not to laugh. That's what would have happened if it had been me - actually, that isn't true because I wouldn't have even thought there was any reason not to laugh. "Boobs" is not an offensive, or inappropriate word in my opinion, but I guess that's the point - it's my opinion and we are all entitled to our own. I just hope your child doesn't watch television or talk to other children his age because if "boob" is bad I would hate for you to have to hear some of the things he probably says away from you that he knows are not nice words.
    1 person likes this.
  28. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    Does he know why boobs are considered disrespectful to your family? Maybe that would help him discontinue using that word. Has he used the word boobs before around you?

    I also teach my boys respect, but we all use the word boobs. I hope to instill in my children that actions are far more important than words.

    At least he said it to you and not his teacher! I'm sure that would make quite a story.
  29. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    apparently that's not all your saying :acute:

    you did not have to reply. And as far as me having to defend my parenting style in "multiple threads" goes and it not being relaxing :crazy: just stop reading my posts and seriously "multiple threads"?? well I have triplets and they are multiples (3) and 3 out of my last 5 posts were topics on my children so I guess your right it is multiple threads. Have I been "defending my parenting style in all of them :nea: But hmmm this is a parenting site where we talk about our multiples so :wavey: put me in your ignore list if you don't like seeing me post about my "multiple multiples" multiple times :good:

    As I shared I expected comments I even expected a few people to not get what I shared. What I did not expect (in the twinstuff club) was the accusations and questioning of me making sure I clearly explained to my son why what he said was wrong and people assuming my son thought I was angry or that the topic was off limits.

    yes we are all entitled to our own opinion.

    And he is a triplet with both siblings in his class with him. He is also a great kid with me and away from me. How do I know? because I get notes and emails from his teacher, the subs that teach him, another parent of a student in the class and constant stories from his sisters telling me about their days at school that include things he does and says at school. He is a great boy.
  30. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    If he did not he certainly does now but I think he did before but slipped. He used the word once and got that it was not appropriate.

    EXCELLENT point! That would have quite a story because if he had said that to her I most likely would have gotten a call because it would have been a disrespectful thing for him to say to her.

    Again I see them each word and action as equally important.

    Just spoke to my boy when he gave me a silly band as a gift.

    I asked him what he said yesterday that I did not like. He did not remember right away what I was talking about. I reminded him by saying "you know how you and I and Katherine look alike" he said with his pointer finger on his chin nodding "ohh yes you mean when I said ....(pause with a questioned look on his face, I nodded then he said ) boobs?" I said "yeh". I then asked what did I not like about what he said. His answer "the word" I then asked "what would have been okay for you to say?" He answered "breasts........ ohhhh I like chicken breast" I smiled and we both laughed together. I thanked him again for apologizing yesterday and he started showing me the rest of his silly bands.

    So He is not scared to talk to me about the topic or the word although he was respectful and paused before saying that word again.
  31. KYsweetheart

    KYsweetheart Well-Known Member

    I don't see what the big deal is. Why is it okay to say breast and not boobs?

    Mine know penis and vagina and also call a penis a worm...
    1 person likes this.
  32. Her Royal Jennyness

    Her Royal Jennyness Well-Known Member

    I'm sure you haven't noticed this but you do come off sounding hostile or angry at times. :pardon: Maybe that's what other people are responding to?
    1 person likes this.
  33. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    it was not a "big deal" and yes in that situation it would have been okay for him to say breasts but it is not okay for my son to just use the word breast in his 9 year old conversations. But in any situation it is not okay for him to have said "boobs". This is just the way it is here in our home.

    Worm is what you guys call a penis. My son calls his a penis or his "willy" but it is not a derogatory a term in my opinion. It may not be in other peoples opinions and that is fine. I don't have to think the way others do or teach my children the way they do and I am not saying others have to think the way I do or teach their children the way I do. We are all different.
  34. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    I am not hostile or angry is the slightest bit. I can't help the way people read my words and what tone they insert into them :pardon:

    Maybe it's because others would have found it to be a :rotflmbo: thing to hear their child say and I did not?
  35. Kyrstyn

    Kyrstyn Well-Known Member

    Just out of curiosity why is not OK for him to use breasts in a 9 year old conversation? I don't understand how a body part can be considered a bad word. It is one of the most natural things in this universe. By attaching a stigma and making it a "Bad" thing to reference it as such could have serious long term effects. Just sayin...

    What potential problems/long term implications do you fear or foresee by naming body parts? What makes it so bad?

    Holy double standard! :faint: A slang term is OK to be used for a penis, but not for breasts?? No wonder the kid is confused! How is calling a Penis a "willy" NOT derogatory but calling Breasts, Boobs is? :wacko:
    9 people like this.
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