Ooh willful independence

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by Leighann, May 1, 2011.

  1. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    I need some advice, or validation that I did the right thing, or both.

    Yesterday my sister gave the girls their easter baskets (since we were dealing w/ a stomach virus last week). They had jelly beans in them and meara took all the white marshmallow ones out. She had two after dinner and when she asked for more before bath I told her no, she could have some more tomorrow. After bath she went to look for a stuffed animal and came back with a jelly bean in her mouth! I told her to spit it out and she smiled, crunched and swallowed. I put her in time out and threw out the remaining white jelly bean. After she calmed down we talked about how she chose to not listen to me and therefore there was a consequence (throwing out the bean). Then we talked about good and bad decisions and she said that eating that jelly bean was a bad decision. But I feel like it partly my fault because they were sitting in a bowl on the counter (out of her reach, but in sight). I probably should have put them in the cabinet. So do you think a TO would have been sufficient and I could have just put the other bean away? I guess I'm second guessing myself because I'm reallytrying to not discipline with anger (trying to not get caught up in an emotional power struggle with a 4 year old), and I threw that jelly bean out in anger. I just can't believe she smiled and ate it in front of me!
  2. gina_leigh

    gina_leigh Well-Known Member

    I would have thrown out the other one too. But I also have a pretty low tolerance for that sort of thing. (Especially eating it after she was caught! :aggressive: )

    For mine I probably would have done TO for getting it in the first place, and then throwing it out as a result of eating after she was told to spit it out.
  3. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    We had a similar thing happen with a jelly bean just after they turned 3 (they must be just too tempting! LOL). We were at my parents, each boy had 2 or 3 with permission. I looked up to see Finley with something in his mouth. I asked him what he had in his mouth and he covered his mouth with his hand, so I reached in and grabbed the jelly bean out and threw it away. He sobbed and didn't get another jelly bean. Natural consequences are a good thing.

    I think you handled it just fine! :)
  4. fuchsiagroan

    fuchsiagroan Well-Known Member

    I would have done the same thing. And I don't think it's your fault for not putting the jelly beans under lock and key - at this age, they are definitely capable of self-control. It's not like you were baiting her.
  5. Leighann

    Leighann Well-Known Member

    Thanks ladies. I just can't believe she would smile at me while disobeying. Little stinker!
  6. Heathermomof5

    Heathermomof5 Well-Known Member

    I would have handled it the exact same way. I will tell you, if you don't do things now that on second thought may seem drastic to you, you will regret it later. The older they get the worse things like this are likely to get, if you let them know now that the consequences include never getting to eat that last jelly bean then next time she will think twice about it. You are doing both her and you a favor.

    My 17 yr old did not want to go to church today, he had responsibilities that HE signed up for today so I told him he had to go ( otherwise I don't really care). Everyone in the house got ready except Tad. I told him to get dressed and get in the car. He told me no and smiled. So I told him to put Ava in the car and buckle her up. As I walked out of the house, I locked the door on purpose. Mr. Tad smiley face spent 4 hours outside and barefooted and in the clothes he slept in. A 4 hour time out LOL!!! We live WAY out in the middle of no where so he was completely bored!! But the older they get, the harder it is to discipline without anger I wish I had done things WAY different when he was little.
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