We have a lot of people who read our boards for support. Some are members now because of their own losses. Some of us have been here for awhile. I would like to start this thread so that those of us, who wish to share, can tell our stories for those who are relatively new or who are visiting this board. I will start... I went to the bathroom and noticed that I was spotting. I was 20 weeks pregnant. I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with placenta previa through ultrasound. I was put on bedrest for a couple of days. I went back to work and felt some cramping on my right side so I went back to the doctor. I was still bleeding. He put me back on bed rest. On Mother's Day, I sneezed and I began gushing out blood. We went back to the ER, this time they admitted me. I was about 21W. I was hospitalized. The doctors did not seem too concerned. I was in the hospital for a week, then I was released for bedrest at home. I got up that night to go to the bathroom and passed the ugliest clot I had ever seen (little did I know that this was part of the mucos membrane). We went back to the hospital - I was readmitted and slept in L/D. That night I got up to go to the bathroom and could feel like something was running down my leg. But I could not see it, so I felt like I was imagining something. The bleeding had stopped. I was relieved. I told my OB that I felt something weird and he decided to check me. When he examined me, I was 3 cm dilated. They laid me in stretcher, hips higher than head and wheeled me back to L/D. They scheduled the OR to attempt an emergency cerclage. I never prayed so hard in my life. I was wheeled up to the OR, given a spinal, and then my OB began to do his thing. However, when he checked me - I was 9 1/2 cm dilated and the bag of water was buldging into the birth canal. It was too late. I tried to be brave. An hour later, my OB finished breaking the waters and I delivered Zachary, breech. I had some cramps but no labor. The dilation of my cervix was painless. Zachary lived for an hour. He was so beautiful. Tiny fingers, toes, and a few attempts to breath but he couldn't. He was bruised from his birth and his eyes were fused shut still. He was born at 22W5D, he weight 1 lb 1 oz and was 12 inches long. He was a beautiful baby and I miss him very much. I have an incompetent cervix (which was sewed shut in my twin pregnancy) ... I blamed myself for his early departure from earth for years. I guess a part of me hated me if that makes sense. I did go to a professional counselor to get help and I am thankful for that. I miss my son very much and I wonder about him every day. I only knew him momentarily but I have to say he was one of the great loves of my life.