Parents/students angered over graduation being postponed 1 day

Discussion in 'General' started by cclott, May 19, 2010.

  1. cclott

    cclott Well-Known Member

    Two brothers died in a car accident earlier this week, one was a recent graduate and one was a junior of a local high school. The superintendent of the school system decided to postpone graduation for one day so that it would not fall on the funeral of the younger son that passed yesterday after being on life support for several days. For reasons that I cannot understand, this has angered many parents and students. I honestly cannot understand why the putting off of graduation for one day in respect for a family that is mourning the loss of two sons would be such inconvenience.

    Here is a clip from the news: My link
    What do you think??

    ETA: tried to lix the link...
  2. twoplustwo

    twoplustwo Well-Known Member

    link isn't working for me.
  3. sghaley

    sghaley Well-Known Member

    The link isn't working for me either. But based on what you wrote, I don't understand why people would be so upset. It does change people's plans, especially if people are coming from out of state. But I would think people can understand and respect the decision and show the mourning family some respect. I personally would not be upset. Especially considering that many of the graduates probably knew and were friends with the boy. Having the graduation the day of the funeral would force them to choose between his funeral and their high school graduation. Not a good position for anyone to be in, let alone a group of 17/18 year olds. I guess I should wait to read the whole story, but this is just my gut reaction.
  4. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    I think people fail to look beyond themselves, their lives, and their (minor)inconveniences way too often. It sounds like anyone who is angry needs to step back and do a bit of a reality check.
    2 people like this.
  5. Cristina

    Cristina Well-Known Member

    That makes me sad. I wonder though why they just didn't change the time so it wouldn't coincide with the funeral rather than the day? Even so, I would hope that if I was in that situation my compassion for the poor parents of the brothers that died would override any feelings of inconvenience on my part.
    1 person likes this.
  6. Her Royal Jennyness

    Her Royal Jennyness Well-Known Member

    Quoted for truth!
  7. moski

    moski Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    This is so true!!

    I really don't understand what the big deal is with moving it. When I graduated high school (oh so long ago), we were scheduled to graduate on a Saturday. It was raining so hard all day Friday and Saturday morning that the graduation got moved to Sunday. My brother's ended up getting moved to a Monday from Saturday for weather. I don't remember anyone complaining about it. The people complaining are showing no compassion for the family that lost two sons and for the other students that are mourning the loss of their friends. Really, moving it 1 day is not significant. Their parties are more important than mourning two young people?
  8. twoplustwo

    twoplustwo Well-Known Member

    I AGREE 100%!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I don't think that the ceremony being postponed 1 day should stop them from having a party to celebrate the graduation as scheduled (the night before the ceremony). I think the lack of awareness is horrifying to me. It's just a ceremony and a family just lost TWO CHILDREN! I just want to scream HELLO PEOPLE!!! It goes to show how out of touch they are.


    One of the horrifying things is that one of the kids upset is a friend of the boy who died. really?! :blink:
  9. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    I am not a heartless person. I mourn for the family and loved ones of those who have lost children/loved ones. BUT I can understand the frustration of those effected by the postponement of the event. I know that death is not a planned event and again I am sorry for the families loss but the graduation was a planned/scheduled event. People request the day off, change their schedules, have family travel in from far away some for just the one day, some have caterers hired, reservation made for after the event or gifts like air line tickets that are dated or a car delivery (some people give their child a trip or vehicle for graduation). So, I can understand a frustration when a date is changed that you have planned on. None of these things are important to the family that lost their children I know that but why should everyone be personally effected by the death of someone else child? Maybe that sounds heartless but I do not think that a graduation class and all their families should be effected if something happens to a student especially one not in that graduating class. Is the school saying that the graduating class should be attending the funeral rather than celebrate their graduation? I would be frustrated also.
  10. twoplustwo

    twoplustwo Well-Known Member

    No one said they still can't celebrate the graduation. The child still graduated and that hasn't changed, it's just the ceremonial piece that changed dates, not the fact that the child has graduated.
  11. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    I understand that it is the ceremony, the actual event that family members, loved ones and friends have requested time off of work for or purchased tickets to come in and see that has been changed. The celebrations are secondary to the actual event of graduation. Family members and loved ones change their personal schedules to attend the event as a whole though, ceremony and celebrations. And I do understand changes due to weather but even with a change happening due to weather you get more of a warning and possibly just a change to indoors rather than an outside event. I just do not think it was necessary for the Superintendent to change a Senior class graduation.

    I was just able to get the link to work and see the families that were on the news are saying just what I am saying here.
  12. moski

    moski Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    How do you get more of a warning with weather than with a funeral?
    1 person likes this.
  13. DinaJ

    DinaJ Well-Known Member

    Having planned many funerals (including immediate family members), why would they pick graduation day for the funeral? They could have the funeral the day prior or the day after. I think it's much easier to move a funeral than an entire graduation ceremony. There was about a week of flexibility each time I have needed to plan a funeral. Sometimes I wanted to have it within a couple of days (my husbands) because I was in so much grief that I couldn't imagine dragging it out. Sometimes (my father), we waited for out of town guests to be able to make travel plans.

    I guess I should have watched the link. Maybe it explains why they chose that particular day and time.
    1 person likes this.
  14. Cristina

    Cristina Well-Known Member

    Schools hear from it from parents when the school does not take in the needs of the community. They hear from it when they put their own needs above those of a family in need. Yet, when push comes to shove, these same people that will clamor on about the school not being sensitive enough, will be the first to cry foul when a show of sensitivity affects them personally. Please. It is nice to finally read about a school that makes a decision based on compassion rather than convenience. Too bad that the good intentions of the school are marred by the lack of compassion in others. If I was the parent of one of those boys and knew that my neighbors were upset about the funerals of my two children, I would be heart broken.
    16 people like this.
  15. twoplustwo

    twoplustwo Well-Known Member

    Yes, Yes, Yes!
    1+. but I would give you more if I could
  16. moski

    moski Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I don't think that the family probably gave a whole lot of thought to whether or not their son's funeral would affect the graduation. The son that they already buried (from my understanding) would have been graduating that day, their younger son (to be buried that day) was a junior. The family didn't ask the school to move the graduation, the school officials did it out of compassion for not only the family, but for those friends that are still mourning their friends and their families, so that they can separate the sadness of the funeral day from the joy of graduation for the rest of the students.
    1 person likes this.
  17. cclott

    cclott Well-Known Member

    Really???!!! Ask a family to change the funeral of their son? The second funreal in one week for this family??!!

    The other son died at the scene of the wreck and was buried on Sunday, this one died yesterday after being on life support for several days. I hardly think that it could be expected of a family to change the date of a funeral. They did not ask for the graduation to be changed, the superintendent took it upon himself to change the day so students would not have to spoil their celebration with attening a funeral right before it.

    could you imagine having to go to the funeral of a friend and then straight to the school for graduation??
    3 people like this.
  18. ktfan

    ktfan Well-Known Member

    A show of support wins over convienence 1000 times over. Compassion for a family's loss should should supercede the possibility that a few people couldn't attend the grad ceremony. Being irritated about graduation is selfish; showing support for the family in spite of having to rearrange plans is selfless.
    6 people like this.
  19. cclott

    cclott Well-Known Member

    This has just stuck in my craw all day since I heard the report on talk radio on the way to work this morning.

    I just cannot understand people being interviewed on TV griping about graduation being moved ONE DAY to allow for a funeral for a student!!! REALLY???!! My heart breaks for the family that has got to be experiencing every parent's WORST nightmare, and then have the guilt of angering some parents because graduation was postponed piled on top of their grief.

    Geez... some people!
  20. lharrison1

    lharrison1 Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    If this were my childs graduation and I had to make arrangements and change plans for the graduation-it would only be a reminder to me of how my life *could* be changing and the arrangements I *could* be making for my childs funeral and I would get over myself real quick.
    I am sad for this family and disappointed in the people making a fuss over something like this.
    They should put themselves in someone else's shoes for a minute.
    At least they CAN see their child graduate, even if it is one day later.
    Those other parents will never see their sons again.
    15 people like this.
  21. nateandbrig

    nateandbrig Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Lesley! I couldn't agree more!
    It honestly made my stomach turn when I watched those people on the video complaining. My heart breaks for that family and that Super should be very proud of himself, and for those people in that video--shame on you.
  22. DinaJ

    DinaJ Well-Known Member

    I didn't say that, so please don't quote me like I did. Of course the school shouldn't ask the family to change the funeral! My assumption was that if they had a son that was graduating that had passed away, then they would have obviously known the date of graduation. Or when planning the funeral, someone would have mentioned it through the planning process. Personally, I would not have wanted to plan a family funeral that day if my son's classmates were all graduating at the same time. I would have wanted his classmates to be able to come and mourn and participate in the funeral.
    1 person likes this.
  23. moski

    moski Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :clapping: Very well said!!
  24. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    I know that when we planned my Moms funeral we could have chose any number of days from right away to a week away.

    I am one of the one who agrees with the families on the video. I am also one that does not always agree with what the school says/does. If I have a complaint I state it to the school sometimes but mostly I just come here and complain. A school or a teacher is not always in the right when they say or do something. If you are referring to posts that I have made here on TS when you say the above statement I must disagree. I think it would be appropriate if the students had put in a request to have the date changed or if the family of the deceased student had requested a date change but the superintendent did this on his own without consulting with anyone.

    I'm sure the family did not consider the senior class graduation when planning their sons funeral who was a junior. The graduation was probably not even on their minds even before this tragedy happened.

    I believe the son that passed already from his injuries graduated last year.

    I understand why it is believed the superintendent moved the date of the graduation but nothing could separate the grief from the graduation day for a loved one or friend especially not a one day change to the event. Doing what the superintendent did may have made it possible for the friends of the boy who passed to have a whole day of mourning but should this have to effect the entire over 100 student graduating senior class and their families? I am sorry for the families loss but the death of a Junior student should not have effected the graduation of the senior class. I still wonder what the superintendent hoped he was would accomplish by changing the date. I understand family and friends of the student are grieving but does it mean the entire senior class was expected to attend this funeral?

    Again I am very sorry for this families loss. My heart hurts for them. I could not imagine losing one child let alone two.
  25. Christel

    Christel Well-Known Member

  26. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    What Lesley said! I think these parents have some nerve complaining about graduation being one day later. I think a tragedy like this should make people think how easily this could be them planning their child's funeral and not a graduation party. Does one day really make that much of a difference?
  27. jjzollman

    jjzollman Well-Known Member

    If the graduating class is only 100 students, I'm guessing that the deaths of these two boys is affecting almost all of them. In a community that small, I bet that most everyone will plan on attending the funeral. I can't imagine a school not rescheduling. We're not talking a class of 400+ students. This is not just about those 100 graduating students, but those students' parents who are probably friends, coworkers, etc. to the boys' parents, those students' siblings who are probably classmates of those boys, those students' teachers who want to attend the funeral, etc.

    I just cannot, cannot, cannot believe that someone would have a problem with this. We're talking 24 hours in comparison to two young lives tragically over. GET OVER IT, people! :rolleyes:
    3 people like this.
  28. Cristina

    Cristina Well-Known Member

    Cheryl, I was not talking about you. I was being general. If you feel as if my post was directed at you than maybe you fall into the general category. It was not my intent however.

    Jori, you are totally right. In a small community, the death of a junior has nothing to do with the fact that he wasn't in the graduating class. It has everything to do with the fact that everyone knows everyone else and people share these painful times in their lives together, as it should be.

    So it is okay to have this family grieve without the support of their small knit community because of a few selfish ones? How pathetic.
    2 people like this.
  29. cclott

    cclott Well-Known Member

    Okay, I am glad that you were not implying that the family should ave to move the funeral, but that's what I inferred from the first quote.

    Like others have said, I am sure that the family did not really think about it being on graduation... but I bet they do now after this outpouring of anger.

    A lot of the local buzz around here is much the same as it is here on TS. Many are appalled over the reaction of these parents...even the talk show radio host that was talking about it this morning got so worked up he said the "b" word on air and had to apologize.
  30. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    I do not understand how it is pathetic. The graduating class was not just 100 students. The event is something all those students have been working toward for 13 years and it has been scheduled for probably a year. The death of the boy is very sad, he was way to young. The death was also untimely in the sense that it was so close to the senior class graduation. Choices need to be made in life and with this situation the family could have (NOT should have) scheduled the funeral for a different day. The friends could have still gone to both events or chosen to just attend the funeral or just their graduation ceremony. But the superintendent did not allow others to make a choice, he made it for them.
  31. DinaJ

    DinaJ Well-Known Member

    I did finally go and watch the clip. I agree that the people interviewed were less than sympathetic. I wasn't thinking of parties, I was thinking more along the lines of family having airline tickets. I don't think it's a matter of choosing the funeral or the graduation. Of course a funeral has priority. I just didn't think they had to be mutually exclusive. Since the family chose 3 pm. on graduation to have the funeral, then I think the school did the right thing to move the graduation. I'm still just wondering why they would do that. Surely in a small town and working with a clergy or funeral director, someone would have mentioned it. Maybe they didn't want the whole town coming and wanted it to be a private family funeral. Hopefully they get the support they need.
    1 person likes this.
  32. twin_trip_mommy

    twin_trip_mommy Well-Known Member

    I agree with this whole thing. You worded it wonderfully
  33. Snittens

    Snittens Well-Known Member

    Yeah, they seriously need to get over themselves. You can still have the party that day, grandma can extend her visit by a day, I'm sure an employer would let a parent switch their day off.
    It is just a ceremony. I barely remember it. You're still graduated whether or not you go through the ceremony.
  34. fuchsiagroan

    fuchsiagroan Well-Known Member

    YES. So, so, so well said.
  35. MLH

    MLH Well-Known Member

    Very well said. My thoughts and prayers go out to that family.

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