Seriously discouraged

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by chellebelle, Sep 4, 2010.

  1. chellebelle

    chellebelle Well-Known Member

    So the babies turned one a few days ago wasn't the celebration I had hoped (metaphorically or whatever). I feel like our one year olds are still more like 8 or 9 months and they were born at 37 weeks 3 days so there shouldn't be an adjusted age per se.

    I should say that my toddler never crawled she butt-scooted and didn't start that until 11 months and didn't walk until 18 months so it appears that our kids are just generally slow and stubborn when it comes to getting up and moving. So here are my frustrations, some of this is venting but I am also looking for advice and solutions if you feel you can give me some.

    1. Neither baby is crawling yet. :( ds loves to roll around the living room and gets up in position but when he wants to move he just rolls around instead. dd has noooo desire to move at all. I call her my little paper weight (she has quite a bit of junk in the trunk too heehee) but she just sits wherever you place her and doesn't move at all. I cannot believe my babies aren't even crawling by one year old, I am starting to really worry. :(

    2. Feeding is a HUGE issue for us. ds is really starting to like table/finger food BUT has no teeth so we are worried about how much to give him and actually pulling the plug on weaning him off formula and on to milk since he has no teeth wouldn't his main nutrition come from formula? And dd, oh dear, she has been a handful since we started solids. She has 2 issues going on in regards to food, 1- she refused to eat and if you forced her she would gag and throw up and 2- we suspect she has intolerances to rice and oats. Of course she is the one with the teeth but won't eat. So at one she is still only eating one 4 oz jar of fruit purees (all she will take) twice a day and still gags on anything other than purees. (She used to do this with purees but I found if I jumped up and down and screamed like a maniac after each bite it distracted her and she was able to eat it, doesn't work with solids though.) I am sooo discouraged that she still can't eat real food at one. :( (They both drink about four 7 ounce bottles of formula daily)

    3. The rest is just how they are, they don't like to go anywhere and get really clingy and upset if we try to go anywhere (like a friends house for a playdate etc) and leave the house besides shopping. They all cry and scream and eventually I just give up after a half hour and go back home. They also hate their stroller.

    I guess since we aren't really eating and still not crawling or walking I still FEEL like I am in that dreaded first year so this birthday was hard emotionally for that reason. And I am definitely starting to worry about their development. Maybe its my fault that they are slower, but I had a 15.5 month old when they were born and so there hasn't been as much time I could dedicate to them. Also my (now) 2 year old is super clingy and shy and reserved too so try going somewhere with 3 just barely 2 and under and well....I am off on a tangent here haha.

    Advice, ideas and comisseration welcomed. PLEASE tell me I am not alone in being so discouraged at the progress we haven't made by their first birthday. I feel like such a shut in and winter isn't even here yet!
  2. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    :hug: Michelle
    1. It's possible that both your twins are going to be late walkers since you said your older DD was too. I was concerned about my DS's lack of crawling at 9 months or so...he would just use his arms to propel himself around, I did call EI to have him evaluated, he was okay but it could not hurt to have them evaluated.
    2. I would keep up with the purees...I fed my two purees for quite a few months after turning one. I would still offer the option of finger foods for your DD and for DS just offer finger foods that he would be able to gum (things cut very small and are soft) until he gets some teeth in.
    3. I would start small with the trips...maybe take them in the stroller for a walk around the block, let them cry but then they will eventually see it's not that bad...then progress to smaller shopping trips.

    Hang in there, Momma!
  3. Chicklet

    Chicklet Well-Known Member

    :hug: My twins are behind where my older girls were too and were also born at 37w3d. I always expect them to be a month behind the girls since they were technically born a month earlier than the girls who were both born at 41w. I also babysit a little guy who is 3 weeks younger than the boys and he walks and has since b/f his 1st bday so it bothers me when the kids ask why E is walking and T and J aren't. Like you said both my girls were later walkers but didn't have another kid the same age doing all the things they weren't doing.

    As far as eating goes, give them what they will eat and introduce other things w that. My boys gagged on peas every time I gave them to them but I just kept giving them to them and now they LOVE them.

    Your life is so busy right now, take a breather and realize you don't have to do it all. It's not fun to go out w 3 kids 2 and under ... for you or for them so if you don't have to ... don't. Invite friends over to see you instead!
  4. Rollergiraffe

    Rollergiraffe Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    I am sorry you're having a rough start to the second year. It's very frustrating when things aren't going like the baby books say... and scary too. My kids have been at the upper age limit for most things, and it's a huge waiting game with a lot of stress. I don't think that you can be "blamed" for their development... I think they figure these things out when they figure them out and are motivated to do so.

    About the crawling.. my neighbor's boy is 6 months older than my guys, so he's about 22 months right now. He just started walking about a month ago, and before that he didn't crawl at all. His parents were definitely starting to get concerned, but their doctor was quite reassuring because he had good muscle tone and seemed to be hitting all of his social development milestones.

    As your twins just turned a year, bring all of this up at your 12 month checkup and see if you can get them evaluated just for reassurance. If it comes to them needing some kind of physical therapy you'll have a history established, and it just might be that they're totally fine and you'll feel a little better about it.

    Hang in there! :youcandoit:
  5. vtlakey

    vtlakey Well-Known Member

    Awww, I'm so sorry you have so much on your plate with 3 kids and additional worrying on top of that too :hug: I agree with a PP and suggest regular, short walks in the stroller, just to get them used to it. I don't really have a whole lot of suggestions regarding food, but I remember thinking Colin was never going to get off of pureed baby food. They loved jarred sweet potatoes and Gerber mac and cheese as well as yogurt and sometimes jarred carrots when they were around 10 months old. And while they aren't huge eaters, they do pretty good now at 15 months eating Eggo pancakes, small pasta with red sauce, sliced canned carrots (I can't believe they don't have an orange tint to them because that is the ONLY veggie they gobble up!), and grilled cheese on small bread (and not those gigantic whole grain loaves of bread that are on all of the store shelves). Their eating has been a slow process, and more than once over the past 5 months I have gotten frustrated and raised my voice like when they refuse something and/or toss it on the floor...and I'm not proud of that. But I think it is normal to sometimes lose it like that as long as you recognize it and try to stay calm in the future.

    I wish I had more advice or positive experience to tell you about, but unfortunately I don't. Being that you are in Canada I'm not sure if you have Early Intervention or not, but I would think they have something similar at least. And if so I would say go ahead and call them, as I think a qualified therapist could only help put you at ease. Even if your LOs qualify for a physical delay, a qualified PT will help them jump that hurdle and move on to their next milestone.

    Good luck momma!! :)
  6. Danibell

    Danibell Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    Everyone's given you my advice so I'll just offer lots of :hug: :hug: :hug:!! My oldest dd never really crawled, she rolled everywhere! I have so many pics of her stuck under chairs, under the table, around table legs, rolled into corners and can't get out! :lol: She didn't crawl until after she was 1 and she walked at 15 months. She was also 9lbs 12oz at birth and 21 in long, she was a big baby and had a lot of "junk in the trunk" to haul around! ;)
  7. MarchI

    MarchI Well-Known Member

    All I am going to say is be patient because it is all going to come. Mine didn't do well on finger foods at first. They kind of ate cheerios and crackers a lot. Once they neared 1 year adjusted, they really did start to eat better and more like toddlers. As for crawling, I just chased J across the yard 10 times, there are days I wish he was a paper weight because getting him out of situations where he is about to kill himself is getting old.

    I know it is hard because they don't seem to do things as quickly as singletons but they do eventually get there.
  8. vharrison1969

    vharrison1969 Well-Known Member

    I'm so sorry you're feeling discouraged. :hug: I didn't find that my guys went through a huge change between about 10 months and 15 months; they were just bigger babies. :pardon: They really started turning into little boys at around 18 months, and I swear on their 2nd birthday turned into men, stinky feet and all! :lol:

    1. Have you talked to your ped about your LOs crawling? In the states we have a WBV at 12 months; do they have the same where you are? I would definitely ask, and see if the ped recommends an evaluation. That being said, you may just have late crawlers/walkers in your family!

    2. Babies *do not* need teeth to eat solid foods! :D I mean, they're not going to be eating raw nuts or steak anytime soon, but my guys were super late teethers and they could mash up just about anything I gave them with their gums. :good: After kids turn one, their main nutrition should be from solids, not from milk/forumula. Of course this is a transition, and it's not going to happen overnight. What we did was to feed our guys finger foods while we ate (bits of food that we were eating, but finely cut up), and let them self-feed while we were all at the table. Then we would "top them up" with baby food and yogurt. This went on until they were about 15 months when the refused to let us spoon feed them anymore. Some kids do better with self-feeding than with being spoon-fed; have you tried giving your DD some easy finger foods like puffs, Cheerios, bits of bread, etc. and let her discover them on her own? Sometimes children have to get comfortable with new foods before actually eating them.

    3. This is really tough. All I can say is that I always had incredibly low expectations about how any outing would go with my two. If we even made it home alive I counted it a success. ;) I can't imagine how hard it is to go out with 3 kids 2 and under! :hug:

    Please don't feel like any of this is your fault, especially the crawling! I always thought it was so amazing that we can teach kids some things (like talking, reading, etc.) but physical stuff they have to learn all on their own. I feel like each physical milestone is a little miracle. :)

    Good luck to you!
  9. chellebelle

    chellebelle Well-Known Member

    Thanks so much everyone!!

    It has been a tough week as we were all sick starting last weekend but the best thing also happened...dd actually started eating those gerber stars!!!!!!!!!!! I used to try and she would push them out of her mouth, I always even put them on her tray at every meal time and nope not havin it. A few days ago she just decided that those were good and has been scarfing them down ever since!!!! So far that and maybe a crunchie is pretty much all the food besides purees that she will actually eat now and not just suck on but this is a huge step for her! So YAY!!! (I love watching her chew with her front 4 teeth like a bunny it is soooo cute!)

    Also ds is getting his first tooth!!! Yay!!

    I have been waiting on an evaluation from development professionals and finally had a meeting with the first on tuesday, it was quite a waste of time but she is referring me to another person in their department and hopefully we will end up with the right people. I am also waiting on an appointment for our one year check up so I will definitely be asking my ped about all of our concerns.

    I still feel quite discouraged at times although it truly comes and goes minute to minute.

    Thanks again everyone!!
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