So Unbelievable Discouraged Today

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by staceyloraine, Sep 18, 2012.

  1. staceyloraine

    staceyloraine Well-Known Member

    My oldest started K last month (which is going GREAT by the way). So now I have my 3 little ones at home. 3-year-old & the twins who are 2. They are 12 months apart and they just had bdays a couple weeks ago, so they're really young 2s & 3s. 2 of my little girls are super intense in personality - feisty, temper tantrums, lots of screaming. We work A LOT on "using nice words" "try again" after they are demanding, and sharing & taking turns. I am seeing their issues so much more now that my oldest is at school all day. And the last couple weeks, I just feel awful as a parent. I'm typically a pretty strict parent and work hard for them to learn self-control so they can act civilized in public (and at home!). Today, there was just so. much. screaming. It's so hard. I only have so much energy to correct, discipline, redirect ALL DAY LONG! And my one laid back little boy is catching some of his sister's habits. He's much quicker to change his behavior after correction though. And my girl twin pushes EVERY limit that she's given. She doesn't stay in bed very well. We just switched them out of cribs b/c she's been climbing out for about 2 months. Today, she didn't sleep at all. I put her back down like 20 times and she just kept getting back up. I'm trying to be consistent with it and not give in, but this girl doesn't learn quickly or easily!!
    Seriously, I am exhausted and frustrated and just feel like they need to be in a preschool/daycare. I have enjoyed staying home with all of them and loved teaching my oldest before she started school. I used to teach elementary school, so I love that part (not to mention we just can't afford 3 daycare costs). I don't worry about the ability to teach them academics, but if I can't get control of the day, all I do is put out fires all day! ya' know what I mean?
    I've come across 2 other moms (one online & one in the park) that have 2 2-year-olds & a 3-year-old and they just seemed more content and calm. so discouraging!! I used to take pride in managing children (even before I had them!) but these twins sure have humbled me!!!
    Is there any hope for us???
  2. rtj

    rtj Well-Known Member

    So sorry you are going through this today!! I have no doubt you are a wonderful parent; kids this age are just hard and you have 3 that age not to mention a 5 year old. That is no comparison. I don't have too many words of wisdom b/c I only have the 2 year old twins and an 8 year old but here is my 2 cents.

    1) the sleep: my one twin will not stay in bed either since we switched to toddler beds b/c of climbing. She also takes FOREVER to fall asleep now. She's always been hard but this is crazy. But, we have taken her out of the room they share and put her in the guest room in a tall pack n play that she does not try to climb out of. She probably could but w/o her partner in crime in the room, she hasn't attempted. So, you might want to try that for naps.

    2) try getting involved in MOPS (great for a break for you!!) or some other program where there is childcare. If you are interested in Bible study, check out BSF (Bible study fellowship). They have an AMAZING preschool program for kids while you do the study and it costs nothing!!
    Even our local super mart has free care for an hour while you shop (or have a quiet cup of coffee). I try to get out in the morning at least 3 days a week. With driving and picking up at school and son's activities, we're in the car A LOT but it does keep them calmer and less at each other's throats.

    Give yourself a lot of grace. Parenting this age is so physically exhausting, it's unbelievable. See when you can carve out alone time even if it means getting up early and exercising, reading, whatever gives you peace. I do my workouts at 5:30am b/c that is the only time and it really centers me to handle the craziness of the day.

  3. weegus

    weegus Well-Known Member

    Of course there is hope for you; just keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel (that's what I call it when all my kids are in school full day)!!! I'm not in the exact same boat... I have 3 year old twins, a 2 year old, and a three month old.... but I can assure you that I feel the same way you do every day. Age two and three are so tough with so many transitions and milestones, most of which are really toughest on us moms. The twins just started preschool and I though it would be great for ALL of us... but it is just a lot of running around like a crazy person!! I know I am always comparing my kids to other kids and I always end up feeling like a failure. It's a trap and we have to stop doing that!!! I am so sorry you are having sleep issues. And sorry that I have no advice, just a BIG sympathetic hug!!
  4. Mom2VLS

    Mom2VLS Well-Known Member

    I can almost guarantee that those 2 moms go home and talk about how much you seem to have it together. ;) I don't have any real advice but :grouphug:
    1 person likes this.
  5. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member

    First of all, I am leaving you a big hug! Handling 3 such little ones alone all day is exhausting and I am sure you are doing a great job even if it does not feel that way some days. Mommy guilt sets very high standards.

    I also wanted to add that daycare (quite apart from the cost) will not necessarily make things easier, just different. My twins went to daycare 3 days a week (M-W) beginning at 2 years of age, because those are my office days and our family care givers could no longer help. What I noticed was that the late afternoon and evening time after I picked them up from daycare and at least the first 2 days with all of us home (Th-F) were even more intense because now they had been on their best behaviour outside the home and all the stress from the new experiences, stimulation, kids etc. and trying to be in control just needed a way out - and there is no safer person for that than mom. So more tantrums, more tears than ever at home. I also had to work on getting rid of some of the undesirable behaviour they picked up in daycare which added more conflict to our days at home; I loved our daycare and love our current pre-school but that is part of the deal if you have kids from lots of different homes together. Many days I wish I could stay at home full time with the kids - the grass is always greener on the other side :rolleyes:
  6. staceyloraine

    staceyloraine Well-Known Member

    Thank you guys for your kind words. I have done a lot of discussing with friends and DH about how to "get through" this season & be able to enjoy being a mom! Soooooo, tomorrow morning (if we can get all the details settled with paperwork), my 3 little ones are starting 2-day a week Preschool!!!! They'll just be there from 9-1 and my mother-in-law is paying for it for now. She's not great with $, so we'll see how long it lasts. I know her heart's intention is to help all she can. She just doesn't manage $ or spending well AT ALL. We are going to go ahead and pay the first month so her payments are like back-up in case she has a bad month and can't pay. Either way, they should at least be there until Christmas. I don't even know what to do with 4 hours BY MYSELF to get some things done!!!! I really really hope they do good. We found a small center that a friend of mine goes to. We'll see!!
  7. 2xjoy

    2xjoy Well-Known Member

    Wow, I could've written this! My twins are nearly 2.5 and it is sooooo intense, crazy, draining, exhausting etc.
    I also have dd7 & ds11 ( who is a handful) .
    This period now is the most I have felt like I'm out if control, & helpless to change things! It's physically, emotionally and mentally draining.
    My 2 don't have a day sleep and spend much of the day now fighting each other & me about anything and everything - often biting, pinching -
    Not much advice here but a great big hug. - I know how you feel!!!!!!!!
  8. w101ttd

    w101ttd Well-Known Member

    Sorry I hear that. I can't imagine how you handle 3 kids. Some days, I wanna shot myself and I just have 2 2.5 yr olds. So good job mama!

    Things will get better maybe couple months after they start school. They will learn all the great things, rules, how to behave and The most importance (the world is just not all about them). But it will get worst before it gets better. So hang in there

    When they are at school. I would suggest you drop everything for 1 hour, no house work, no grocery shopping. Just drop and enjoy yourself. Do something like window shopping (if you live close to a shopping center), go/carry out lunch, have a glass of wine and enjoy yourself, or watch a movie that u always wanted to watch. Just 1 hour, u will feel so happy and released. Then back to your routine. Good luck mama. And you are doing a great job. Be proud of yourself.
    1 person likes this.
  9. daisies

    daisies Well-Known Member

    Where is the LIKE button? Great advice!
    My LOs are 8 months... i am so looking forward to this in TWO more years.. ha,ha :)

    I definitely plan on remembering this advice!
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