Twins having jealousy issues with each other over my attention

Discussion in 'The Toddler Years(1-3)' started by mommylaura, Jul 8, 2011.

  1. mommylaura

    mommylaura Well-Known Member

    Lately my twins are going through spells where they are extremely jealous of any attention I give to the other twin. Sometimes it is so bad that I can't hold either of them - if I hold one, the other cries and vice versa. If I change one child's diaper, the other comes barreling across my lap to get in the way! It's not always like this - in fact the worst times are right when we get home from work - just as you would expect. It just hurts my heart to know that I am making them sad. Believe me I hold them both, one on each hip, ALL THE TIME. But sometimes I need to put one or both down to do something and then they follow me around crying. Has anyone else been through this? Thanks!
  2. E's 3

    E's 3 Well-Known Member

    Same thing here. It's so bad now that if one starts crying the other starts fake crying and tries to run to me first since they know I always triage and pick up the one who seems to need me "more". I also often carry them both around or sit on the floor with them both in my lap but they will hit and bat at each other and say "no". I keep trying to tell them there is only one mamma and I'm doing my best...if they don't start to understand maybe it will make me feel better :).

    This is the part about the 2 for 1 that I have the hardest time dealing doesn't seem fair to anyone :(. I try my best to get special one on one time with each of them but it is incredibly challenging (especially with their big brother hanging all over me too!). I hope it gets a little easier as they get older.
  3. kingeomer

    kingeomer Well-Known Member TS Moderator

    It's normal. My two went through this and I would just make sure to take turns with them and explain (constantly) how important it is to take turns with Mommy and Daddy.
  4. Reeny691

    Reeny691 Well-Known Member

    We go through the same here. I have come up with "back hugs" to deal with diaper changes. It was driving me nuts to try and have one kid in my lap and still change a diaper. Now they proudly hug my back, they even say it. Can't help with the rest but back hugs work for us.
  5. FGMH

    FGMH Well-Known Member

    I dealt with this too. Coming home from work is the worst time - they need you after a day in daycare and they are probably already starting to get tired. For us it helped to have a routine - we come in the door, take off our shoes, wash our hands and all go straight to one special armchair for cuddles and reading a book and them telling me about their day. We all wind down and settle in at home and together. This happens before any of the other important evening activities like getting dinner start. So they have my undivided attention first and they know to expect to share me at that time. At other times we constantly worked on taking turns and sharing mom and dad.
    To deal with diaper changes I sometimes allowed the other baby to sit with us on the changing table (ours is large and sturdy) and help, i.e. hand me the creme, the new diaper etc. So they did not feel left out and they knew if they did not sit still in their corner they would be set down immediately. I use the same approach for getting dinner - have them both help me in the kitchen: I do not carry them there but have a low working table where they stand and I kneel preparing everything (hot and really dangerous things stay on the counter out of their reach), and they get to help, taste things or "help set the table" by emptying their special cabinet. This helps with the jealousy.
  6. mommylaura

    mommylaura Well-Known Member

    Wow these are great suggestions you guys! Thanks so much. It helps to hear how others struggle with this too. I am going to try the idea of sitting in a big chair and reading a book today.
  7. vharrison1969

    vharrison1969 Well-Known Member

    :acute: Yes to this! DH and I called the time after we got home from work "the witching hour" for the first 2 years of the boys' lives. :wacko: I found it really helpful to take a few minutes when I got home and do a "time in". We would all sit on the floor or on the couch and just be together for a few minutes of quiet snuggle time, and this cut WAY down on the frantic fussing and attention-seeking. It's so tough when you have to get home, change, cook dinner, etc. in a limited timeframe, but taking a few minutes to just be with them reduced a lot of frustration for all of us. :)

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