Who does there teachers think they are

Discussion in 'Childhood and Beyond (4+)' started by twin mommy of boys, Sep 24, 2008.

  1. twin mommy of boys

    twin mommy of boys Well-Known Member

    I'm so upset about this . I dont know if its because im pregnant and just have more emotions then normal or what...

    Aaron & alex woke up today i had there cloths put out on the dresser to wear to school today . So they get up and brush there teeth and eat breakfast then get dressed for school ... Well, I pick out there cloths still ( if i didnt they would pick out some funny stuff to wear lol ) ANYWAYS 12:30 came around and the boys are getting off the school bus . Aaron looks very very sad i ask him what is the matter he says mommy i think i was bad today at school i have a letter for you from my teacher so i get into his back pack and get THE NOTE OUT!!! Im reading it . and it says Dear Ashley , I'm not sure if Aaron has informed you that i had asked him to ask you not to dress Aaron & his twin brother alike anymore. And it still seems to be a problem so Please dont have them wear the same thing to school on the same day Thanks And signed Aarons teacher name....



    Ok First off they are my KIDS i will dress them in what ever i want to, when i want to . I dont see a problem with it . Its not like they are in the SAME class , And if they ask them there names they will tell them there names , or what class they go to ,


    I'm sorry i just had to rant and rave i dont think this is right . I have had a problem with this teacher the 4th day of school because Aaron wanted a mow hawk . so him and his brother alex both got one..

    What should i do .. i have already called the school and they keep telling me oh we will talk to her. should i request a meeting with the upper people above the school???


    or am i taking this to far ? please help ....
     
  2. Caleb2Cody

    Caleb2Cody Well-Known Member

    Obviously, she is having a problem telling them apart. If that is the case, I would send a name tag for them to wear until she learns who is who. How rude to tell you not to dress them alike! Last year, the boys always picked their own clothes for K, as long as they are fine wearing non matching items, then I let them wear it. That is one battle, that I choose not to fight about, the other is how their hair looks! I would talk to the teacher and the principal as far as the note goes. I would never ask a parent to not wear the same clothes on their twins. I am student teaching in a K classroom right now. Of course the kids have a dress code, but I would still never do that. I would do my best to speak with the parents to find each child's distinguishing features in order to tell them apart. Oh, and my boys were in the same class last year...
     
  3. MandMsWorld

    MandMsWorld Member

    I agree with the name tag - you know, I dressed my (fraternal) boys alike all the time too. At 4 they started wanting to dress differently SOME days - and other days they wanted to wear what their brother was wearing - in kindergarten they WERE in the same class - and dress alike. And just like every other kid because uniforms were required.

    If you want to dress your kids alike, as long as they are happy with it - go for it. It's not just twins I see people all the time with different age kids of the same sex they dress alike, even for day to day wear. I'd talk to the teacher, and if that doesn't work go to the principal.
     
  4. Utopia122

    Utopia122 Well-Known Member

    My first instinct is that is completely nuts!! I would definitely call the teacher and ask her to clarify the note. As pp said, if she is having trouble telling them apart, a name tag would be more appropriate. I, personally (and coming from a teacher's point of view), would never write home and ask a parent to dress a twin differently. As a teacher, she should be able to deal with clothing choices as long as they are dress code appropriate. As much time as she spends with the boys, she should be able to tell them apart regardles if they are dressed the same or not. And, it also bothers me that your son believes he has done something wrong when he hasn't. I'm sorry, but I'm just shaking my head that a teacher would actually write, "and it still seems to be a problem." I think that is totally unprofessional, if it is that big of a problem, she should have called you and not sent a note.
     
  5. Moodyzblu

    Moodyzblu Well-Known Member

    I might have told her to "shove her note where the sun dont shine". But thats just me. Yeah, I'd be ticked off to get a note like that. I dress my boys alike .. and will continue to do so until they ask not to be. Right now they freak if they dont even have the same socks on. :rolleyes:
    You're right .. they are YOUR children and you can dress them however you feel appropriate. After all Kindergartners are quite old enough to be able to tell you who they are .. my pre-schoolers do. Heck, they have to even tell ME sometimes. :blush:
    I'd have a talk with her .. <_<
     
  6. sharongl

    sharongl Well-Known Member

    Could it be that they boys are trying to switch places? Like get into each others class? Because even if you can tell them apart when together, when they split up into classes, it is harder to figure. Maybe because they are dressed alike, they are finding times during the day to switch?

    To me, it sounds like a note of frustration. Or maybe the boys don't want to dress alike, and are afraid/don't want to tell you themselves.

    I would call the teacher and ask what prompted the note. But I wouldn't be confrontational, just looking for the information.
     
  7. KCMichigan

    KCMichigan Well-Known Member

    I agree w/ PP. Try to be nonconfrontational about it and ask what prompted the note. It may be that the boys are 'switching' places, no answering (shyness) when asked, or others are confusing them at recess/music/etc. If it is just her 'not liking it' tough for her, if there is a real reason hear her out.

    If the boys dont mind and you want to dress them alike, what is the problem?

    As a teacher, I would NEVER ask a parent to dress children differently unless it violated dress code (in that case it was the principals duty to enforce).

    As for the mohawk- again unless it is against dress code it is not the teachers issue to address (or if it is a distraction and behavioral problem, as in he/she talk abotu the mohawk all the time, uses it to block other childrens view, or picks fights because of it.).

    If the teacher continues to be a problem and/or you cant resolve differences, request another class.
     
  8. angelsmom2001

    angelsmom2001 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    I'm just shaking my head that a teacher would actually write, "and it still seems to be a problem." I think that is totally unprofessional, if it is that big of a problem, she should have called you and not sent a note.


    Especially since it is HER problem not the boys.

    I can't believe, okay yes I guess I can, that a teacher would send home a note asking why a message that she verbally sent home with a kindergarten student was not being followed through on. That is what you said right, she asked your son to ask you to not dress him like his brother. Excuse me but how many 5/6 year olds can remember much less correctly remember a message like that?

    If one of my girls came home with that kind of message, I'd probably ignore it thinking it was made up by one of them or their friends.

    To follow up with a note, sent home with the same child, who now thinks he was in trouble, just rubs me the wrong way. What a way to ensure confidence in that child.

    I understand her not being able to tell them apart, but again that is HER problem to solve, not the boys. She has NO RIGHT to insist that you dress your children in any way other than conforming to the dress code. And I have yet to see a school dress code that states siblings (much less twins) can't dress alike or similarly on a particular day.
     
  9. Oneplus2more

    Oneplus2more Well-Known Member

    I don't really understand the problem since they are in different classes. I would set up a time to met with her face to face. People tend to be less demanding and more reasonable that way :) I would have her explain exactly what issues are arising from them dressing the same, are they switching places, are they together any part of the day? gym, music, recess? what does the other teacher say? Is this teacher just annoyed by the mohawk and matching clothes ( she just doesn't like it) or is there truly a problem? Either way - she should not be making your son feel he did anything wrong. I would make that crystal clear :D and I agree her note was rude and unprofessional. I would ask her to call me directly with any future concerns. I would see how that meeting goes before taking it higher.

    What I think I would do is talk to the other teacher first, ask how your son is adjusting to K, blah, blah blah and ask if the matching clothes are an issue. I would do this casually - she may not even know the other teacher has such a problem with it if you haven't heard from her. Just see what she says - I think it would be good to have her/his take on that before you met with Aaron's teacher.
     
  10. Cristina

    Cristina Well-Known Member

    What would she do if they wore uniforms? My id boys are in the same class and wear uniforms. The teacher figures it out. I think she is way out of line not only with that note but also with her tone. She also is dreaming if she thinks your son should be responsible for her messages. If this really was an issue, she should have called you and spoken to you. I would be very annoyed, and this is coming from a Mom that never dressed her kids the same. You are the parent. They aren't even in the same class. I would call her and talk to her directly and straighten int out.
     
  11. ehm

    ehm Banned

    I would make sure I had taken all necessary steps to talk to the teacher before moving up the chain, but I would not hesitate to move up the chain if reaction from the teacher warranted it. I agree, I would go into it non confrontational because if you don't it could effect the teacher and the way the teacher responds to you. I had to call one of my children's staff members (the nurse actually) about something and I was sooo worked up that I waited to call, I practiced in my head probably 1,000 times what I was going to say so that when I said it it came out in a manner that was productive and didn't start the conversation off on the wrong foot. My situation was easily cleared up (I spent all that time stewing for nothing) but I was glad I handled myself in the manner that I did.
     
  12. momotwinsmom

    momotwinsmom Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(sharongl @ Sep 24 2008, 07:43 PM) [snapback]996090[/snapback]
    Could it be that they boys are trying to switch places? Like get into each others class? Because even if you can tell them apart when together, when they split up into classes, it is harder to figure. Maybe because they are dressed alike, they are finding times during the day to switch?

    To me, it sounds like a note of frustration. Or maybe the boys don't want to dress alike, and are afraid/don't want to tell you themselves.

    I would call the teacher and ask what prompted the note. But I wouldn't be confrontational, just looking for the information.

    I agree with this. There must be a reason she needs them dressed differently. Try calling her and asking why it is a problem that they are dressed the same. Maybe she thinks they are switching or something. But there has to be a reason why, not just a 'because' reason.
     
  13. KCMichigan

    KCMichigan Well-Known Member

    Another thought-

    Possibly the teacher is 'old school' or brand new. That is the only way I can see a fellow teacher making such a poor judgemental error.

    Old School teachers tend to be 'what teacher says goes'- old habits like that are hard to break and were common 20-30 yrs ago and a new teacher is still feeling the ropes between proper communication and appropriate communication the first year.

    Regardless- just my 2cents. I cant imagine ever sending such a note home, much less w/a kindergartener!
     
  14. mar66rus2

    mar66rus2 Well-Known Member

    Wow...I am apallad. Unless they are "switching", that is absolutely uncalled for.

    I would call her, and just mention that you received a note today regarding their clothing. I would just ask her nicely if she could explain the note because you don't understand what the problem is. Let her explain, then go from there. If it just because they are twins and she cannot tell them apart, then that is her problem....not yours. You can put name tags on them, or she can easily do the same. However, if they are in seperate classes, then there shouldn't be an issue. Does the other teacher have a problem with this.

    They are your children, and you can dress them however you like...or they like. It is not up to her to say that they cannot dress the same. If she still has a problem with it, you then need to take it up with the principal, but definetly talk to her first.
     
  15. Zibeline

    Zibeline Well-Known Member

    I understand why you are so angry ! As long as your children doesn't have any problem with the fact that they are dressed alike, no one can tell you not to do that ! I even know two girls who wanted to be dress alike when they were little (though they were fraternal) so their parents were not responsible !

    Your sons are not even in the same class ? So the teacher should explain what's her problem instead of forcing you not to ever dress them alike again...

    I want to be a teacher later, I can tell you that if I ever have a problem with twins (which is which ?) because they are dressed alike, I would talk to the mother and ask her if she can help me... Though, some mother actually complain when the teacher does that, it's fairer than forcing someone to change his habbit because of someone else difficulty.

    I agree with the others, you should ask her why she wants you to dress them differently, it may just because she thinks it's better for twins (serious studies proved it has no influence on their lives) or because of a more serious problem which she could solve differently.
     
  16. Emerald

    Emerald Well-Known Member

    We had kind of the same situation last year when they were in pre-K. We were asked verbally to not dress them the same or even similar because it was too confusing for the teachers to tell them apart. And they wore name tags. They were, however in the same class. They were the only two blond headed girls in the class, and you are telling me you can't tell them apart!? More like, not really making the effort.
    I want to point out, there are very few days I do indeed dress them alike, and never, ever when I do not think the people involved do not know my kids. If I think they know them well enough to tell my personality, and the girls choose to wear the same outfit, why not?
    We got to the point at the end of the year that the teacher made a comment that Madison was wearing pink lately, and Tabitha was in another color and that was confusing because it was almost always Tabitha wearing pink exclusively (which she does), and Madison wears whatever Mommy picks for her. But for a week, that switched, and choas ensued!
    Tabitha would come home in tears because the teacher that knew them in pre-K 3 and pre-K 4 was calling her by Madison's name. It really bothers her. So we went bacl to T in pink and not dressing them alike because the result was hurtfull to T, not really because it was easier for the teacher.
     
  17. kellytwinmom

    kellytwinmom Well-Known Member

    Okay I am going to say she/he is definitly new.

    a. She addressed the note in your first name. I have NEVER addressed a parent by their first name.
    b. She told the student first and not the parent. If it is something important (in the teacher's eyes) I would never tell the student first. I would have reminded the student to tell the parents AFTER something has already been discussed/agreed upon by the parents.
    c. "Problem" is not really the correct word there.

    Anyway, as a teacher I would somewhat agree for the first few months to not dress alike. I know, I know we as parents have the right/choice to do so but every little thing could help a teacher out. Maybe the two are in the same class for a small amount of time? Maybe something happened that the teacher confused teh two and then became angry.

    I think every good teacher can tell a student by their voice, the way they make noises at their desk, etc. Turning your back while writing on the white board and hearing giggling, "OSCAR....get back in your seat".

    After a while she/he should be able to tell them apart by simply looking/talking to the student she has. I would call the teacher or just drop by the class before/after school if you could. Do not sound confrontational because sadly teachers do take it out on the student.

    Maybe there is someway to agree not to dress them alike until after Oct?
     
  18. JandCsMom

    JandCsMom Well-Known Member

    Maybe it's not that she can't tell them apart, but that their classmates out on the playground are getting them confused (if they're on the playground together).
     
  19. Mama_Kim

    Mama_Kim Well-Known Member

    I would definitely call and/or stop by the school to talk with the teacher. I don't understand the problem if they are not in the same class unless they are trying to "trick" the teachers.
     
  20. my2boys

    my2boys Well-Known Member

    I kind of had a similar situation. I have always dressed my boys alike. They went to preschool where they are going to kindergarten, so their preschool teacher told their kindergarten and special ed teacher that I dress them alike. The very first time I saw them, they said "we understand you dress your boys alike. We just want you to know that this makes if very hard for the teachers to tell them apart". So, right before school started I took a day and cried while I went through their closet and mismatched their clothes so they wouldn't be wearing the same thing everyday. It still bums me out that they are not dressed the same anymore. It won't be long before they will be deciding what to wear and I won't have that privelage anymore. It just got taken away from me before it should have in my opinion.
     
  21. jxnsmama

    jxnsmama Well-Known Member

    While I agree that the way she went about the request was completely wrong (using your first name, telling your child, and giving no explanation), I can kind of understand the request, especially if the boys are ID. My ID boys have different teachers, but for the past two years, they have been in the lunchroom at the same time, at recess at the same time, on field trips together, and even in class together when the different teachers of the grade co-teach. It's easy for us to tell our own twins apart. But even with all my experience doing it, I CANNOT tell other people's IDs apart. I am completely unable to tell the ID neighbor girls apart, and they used to spend a couple afternoons a week here with me. I see them all the time, yet I don't have a clue who is who! I've really tried, too, and I just can't do it. I'd imagine trying to tell them apart from a distance at recess or lunch would be even more difficult.

    And for their classmates, it's got to be nearly impossible. I had ID twins friends in grade school and again in college. I was never able to tell them apart!

    There is one childcare worker at the YMCA who identifies Brady by him wearing blue. When they are running around and playing, it's much easier to tell who's who by color than trying to see the little nametag they put on them. The couple of times I forgot to put him in blue, she let me know (in a nice and humorous way) how much trouble she had. Brady's is now accustomed to putting on a blue shirt when we go there, just in case she's working. I don't see that it's any big deal to make her job just a little easier.

    I wouldn't be offended by the request or take it personally. If dressing them differently helps the teachers and their classmates, I'd do it.
     
  22. Mama_Kim

    Mama_Kim Well-Known Member

    I do understand what you are saying, Amy, however, this confusion did not stop or even lessen once my ID boys were no longer dressing alike. Truly, people still could not tell them apart anyway. Sad but true. I don't even think my boys look that much alike and their personalities are definitely different. I sometimes think it's a mental block. My friend was B&C's 7th grade science teacher last year and she admitted she STILL could not tell them apart at the end of last year. She got them completely mixed up all summer long at the pool. Now she's a smart, very perceptive person, but this somehow just baffles her. My neighbor after TEN years can finally tell them apart. (And this is a woman who's youngest son we call our "third twin" because they spend so much time at each other's houses.) My boys have not dressed alike since K/1st grade and I have had teachers every single year tell me they cannot tell them apart.

    My point is, if they are identical, merely dressing them differently is not going to help much. I think this teacher was out of line. She needs to learn how to differentiate between those children or just deal with it.
     
  23. jxnsmama

    jxnsmama Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    My point is, if they are identical, merely dressing them differently is not going to help much.


    I think it can help if the teacher is on-the-ball enough to note what the child is wearing. If Hayden's teacher looks at him and sees he's wearing an orange shirt, and sees Brady later in the day wearing green, she'll know that's not Hayden. I've seen their classmates in the school halls able to tell them apart because they saw one of them earlier in class and remember what they were wearing.

    I agree with you, though, that if people aren't paying attention, it doesn't help at all. The girls across the street are dressed differently, and unless I find out who's wearing what that day, of course it doesn't help. When I used to care for them after school, I would check their names on their backpacks, make a mental note of who was who and try to come up with some mental trick (today, Paige is in purple) and take responsibility for remembering. If they're dressed exactly the same, I don't have a prayer! :)
     
  24. aandax246

    aandax246 Well-Known Member

    That definitely wouldn't work here in our school system. Each school has a uniform, i.e. one elementary school may have navy pants and a red polo and another school may have khaki pants and a maroon shirt. ALL the children in any one public school are dressed alike, twins included. In a three county area every public school adopted a uniform policy about 10 years ago. All kids are now dressed alike no matter the socioeconomic status, and students can easily be identified (especially helpful for the high schools making it safer. Some schools even require that the teachers be in uniform. Name tags would also be unnecessary. Our students are issued photo ID name badges that are clipped to break away lanyards. All IDs must be visible at all times. They are bar coded and can be used in the cafeteria, library, tardy slips, etc.
     
  25. Mama_Kim

    Mama_Kim Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(jxnsmama @ Sep 27 2008, 10:25 AM) [snapback]1000220[/snapback]
    I think it can help if the teacher is on-the-ball enough to note what the child is wearing. If Hayden's teacher looks at him and sees he's wearing an orange shirt, and sees Brady later in the day wearing green, she'll know that's not Hayden. I've seen their classmates in the school halls able to tell them apart because they saw one of them earlier in class and remember what they were wearing.

    I agree with you, though, that if people aren't paying attention, it doesn't help at all. The girls across the street are dressed differently, and unless I find out who's wearing what that day, of course it doesn't help. When I used to care for them after school, I would check their names on their backpacks, make a mental note of who was who and try to come up with some mental trick (today, Paige is in purple) and take responsibility for remembering. If they're dressed exactly the same, I don't have a prayer! :)

    I honestly think it's not even a matter of paying attention. Some people just get a mental block over it. Some of the best teachers my boys have had (as with my friend who was their science teacher last year) just could not do it.
     
  26. momof5

    momof5 Well-Known Member

    My ID girls have to wear a uniform...they dress exactly alike every day! I would be very angry if I were you,too. They are your kids and as long as it's not offensive, dress them how they want to be dressed. Keep us posted on this one!
     
  27. Zibeline

    Zibeline Well-Known Member

    QUOTE
    that if people aren't paying attention, it doesn't help at all


    I have to admit that even tough I pay attention to people, I didn't succeed in telling appart ID twins for now. And after two years in the same class, I knew everyone name but couldn't recognize them easily. Some people just don't have the memory of faces.
    But I'm not really for the solution many people us, I mean one wearing green, the other wearing red for example because it doesn't help people developping their memory since they become used to a color. Dressing them differently everyday is a good compromise since they won't always wear the same color so people will have to recognize them anyway. ^^
     
  28. mnellson

    mnellson Well-Known Member

    I have a problem with people depending on their clothing to tell my ID girls apart. I feel that they aren't investing the time into getting to know them as individuals. My girls also don't appreciapte being idetified as "the one wearing the pink shirt, the one with a ponytail" etc.

    I think if the teacher actually took the time to get to know your boys, she wouldn't have such a hard time telling them apart, even if they dressed alike . She might confust them from time to time (don't we all!), but if she really go to know the twinin her class, it wouldn't be so hard.

    I once had one twin in my class and didn't know the other twin at all becaus he went to a different school. The boys looked a lot alike. Once I bumped into the other twin at a resturant and I knew immediately that it wasn't my student. Mannerisms and personality can make a big difference.
     
  29. angelsmom2001

    angelsmom2001 Well-Known Member

    My daughters are far from identical, both in looks and in personality. When Cassie's teacher, who has known her from birth, and is the mother of 19 year old identical twins herself, found out Cas would be in her class told me "I was so happy, because now I'll be able to tell them apart". Its not a matter of people, teachers included, being able to tell children apart. Its a matter of how the request was presented. It was out of line, unprofessional and worded poorly too boot. My problems with it still boil down to this. One, no kindergartener should be expected to pass on a verbal message from one adult to another, and no parent can expect to get a verbal message from a kindergartener to be correct. Two, unless it is expected of EVERY set of twins to be dressed differently (and made part of a dress code-which I'm sure would be discriminatory), its unfair to ask you or your kids. Three, as I stated before, this is the teachers "problem" she needs to find a way for her to remember the differences between your kids, not expect you and them (at 5 years old) to solve it for her. She sounds very immature to me.

    While I agree that being non confrontational when discussing this with the teacher, I would express to her my disappointment in her lack of professionalism especially in giving a message to a 5 year old and expecting him to give it correctly to his parents.
     
  30. Utopia122

    Utopia122 Well-Known Member

    QUOTE(angelsmom2001 @ Sep 29 2008, 08:29 PM) [snapback]1004028[/snapback]
    One, no kindergartener should be expected to pass on a verbal message from one adult to another, and no parent can expect to get a verbal message from a kindergartener to be correct. Two, unless it is expected of EVERY set of twins to be dressed differently (and made part of a dress code-which I'm sure would be discriminatory), its unfair to ask you or your kids. Three, as I stated before, this is the teachers "problem" she needs to find a way for her to remember the differences between your kids, not expect you and them (at 5 years old) to solve it for her.


    I think this is very well said. Plus, ID kids don't have ID personalities. If they are like my girls, the only thing they have in common is their looks. They are nothing alike. They don't carry themselves the same way, they don't have the same pitch in voice, they don't laugh the same, they are completely different in every way except looks. I can tell by looking at the back of their heads which is which just because of the way they are standing. I have to agree with pp, that's an unfair suggestion and before any adjustments made to their wardrobe a conference with the teacher should be requested.

    By the way, keep us updated...I'm curious as to how this all turns out.
     
  31. sharongl

    sharongl Well-Known Member

    When my boys were small, on days where we had classes, and they don't look anything alike, I would make a conscience effort to dress them differently--for the sake of the teachers as well as their friends. I can tell you, my boys HATED that other kids called them "Marcjon". Not because they were being mean, but because as young children, they had a hard time differentiating them. We have one neighbor, who has known my boys for the entire 5 years of his own life, and still can't get the right name 50% of the time.

    From this perspective, I really do understand why the teacher is requesting that you dress them differently. Could she have asked more diplomatically--sure. But I really don't think it is a totally off the wall request. It might be stemming from confusion among the other Kindergarteners, more than from the teacher.

    Just some other thoughts on this topic.
     
  32. 2girls2boys

    2girls2boys Well-Known Member

    When J&C were in pre-school the head teacher asked me if I could dress them slightly different because in the morning, the teacher would look around the circle and describe the child who would be helper for the day, tough to do with them dressed the same, I had no problem with it, but she was very nice about it - I very rarely dress them the same anymore since then.
     
  33. sharongl

    sharongl Well-Known Member

    After speaking to Marcus' teacher today, I totally understand this teachers' request.

    Marcus has 1/2 of 3 sets of twins in his class. One of the set are ID boys. In first grade, the mom still dresses them alike every day. They are both allergic to peanut butter, so sit together at lunch at the peanut free table. Marcus' teacher just left on maternity leave, and I was speaking to her replacement. Well, yesterday, the boys decided to "play a joke" on her, and lined up in the wrong lines. As a teacher being there only 2 days, she was almost to the classroom before she realized it.

    So, even though the boys are in different classes, dressing them alike CAN be an issue--especially if you are new to the classroom.
     
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